It's odd when you stop to think that people are angry with me and not John. No one asks what he did...they just say no matter what, I shouldn't have sued him...even though he settled to avoid having to repeat his lies in court.
I am criticized for not knowing when to ask a question, when to keep quiet, when to be ordered out like a dog...I'm told the monument isn't necessary, that it's a money-making gimmick...something to enhance my reputation...so I can make MORE money.
In fact anything and everything is said...much to the amazement of people outside our community who I've had the fun of explaining this situation to.
I sat down with one of the lawyers working on this thing...and he finally threw up his hands...literally, and said, "I don't get it...I can't understand it" He meant what possible motivation could a man, an ex State Senator and all that rot...a "leader" in our community...what was he doing STOPING this thing? The man keeps looking at me like I'm not telling the whole story.
These Assyrians who say the monuments are no big deal, wont do anything etc. They're the ones terrified...like a witch doctor, spooked cause the real thing is moving in. They desperately want to keep "Assyria" meaning the shabby thing they've made of it. They may not know exactly why, and they wouldn't articulate it if they did know...but they're afraid, afraid they're going to be pushed out...out like the rest of us who ran screaming in the night...only these guys don't want to go, there is nothing else for them, and they aren't convinced they'd be any match for what's to come, for what might come to be a much higher standard and that they would be ashamed on that day to say they were Assyrians as so many many of us have been made to feel ashamed...but it was my own fault..I have everything that's coming to me...coming to me...I'm the one who asked for it by ever turning my back and going to be a full scale Gringo.
I'm not crying about it...it just IS. But this fear is what keeps people trying to shut me out and down...it's why they took off after my father and family and insulted everything I said and did, hoping that it would work for them again as this despicable tactic has always done before.
THAT'S why all the cussing and foul speech and all the sharp and caustic words...to test some, but to let others know what they'd be up against this time...this time there would be no running from scandal and attacks against my name and family...this time there wasn't a goddamn thing they could do...that I was here to stay and they'd just have to get used to it.
And when this case is heard in court this time...NO settlement, they'll have their noses rubbed in the mess they've made of this most noble Heritage..and you others who've stood on the sidelines too afraid to engage these twits...you'll just have to toughen up and get involved or YOU'LL be next...you either pull your weight or go join some other ethnic group...we can't afford freeloaders anymore.
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