Posted by parhad (184.108.40.206) on November 03, 2001 at 12:25:37:
Pancho Parhad, Presidente
Assyrian Mexican Christian World Wide And Universal Army
PepitoAshur, Vice President
Consuela Ramirez, Layson the Presidente
World Headquarters Rosie’s Cantina and Comfort Station, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico
The Honorable George W. Bush, Presidente
The United States of America
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
What the hell do you think you’re doing. You think this is un beisbol game, you gonna hit the big homer and drown your ass in oil. Johnson lied before you and Nixon after him, and since you stole the damn election anyway why should anybody believe a goddamn thing you say.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to start off that way but really you do beat all. You can’t speak, you can’t write. You haven’t worked a day in your life, you got through college either asleep or wiggling your ass in front of a bunch of football players…a goddamn cheerleader for chrissakes…is this what America has come to.
I am writing to you, respectfully, in my capacity as the proud president of our Assyrian organization, maybe you heard of us. We are dedicated as much as anybody can be to the enhancement and furtherance of our Assyrian Heritage. I write to tell you our work is being hampered on account of you keep killing our people off in what used to be our ancient homeland of Iraq. I know you don’t mean to do it, and are probably as sorry as hell, and that if it wasn’t for the fact that we sit on top of just that many oil reserves as makes the profit for you boys at the end of the day, you wouldn’t be bothering with us at all…hell you wouldn’t know where Iraq was on the map if your wallet didn’t aim in that direction.
Still and all we are a dwindling ethnic minority and it seems kind of hard to get bumped off after having endured more horrible things over the last few thousand years than you ever did in college. Why don’t we sit down and talk things over. Me and the membership and executive officers and Layson are taking the Mexico Express bus to Washington later in the month. We will be available for consultation.
I know you’ve heard from the Assyrian American National Federation, the Assyrian Universal Alliance, Zinger Magazine and the Ganjettes, but I am telling you these boys don’t represent our people the way we do. We have by far the largest membership and have our finger on the pulse of our nation… when it aint in their eye, so to speak. We are a Grat Peepil, though some would misspell and misconstrue that phrase, and you probably didn’t notice it till I pointed it out to you.
Our best wishes to the missus and them cute little winos you got for daughters. We’ll call from the Bus station and you can send a car.
Pancho Parhad, Presidente
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