Posted by pancho from adsl-64-168-24-148.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net (22.214.171.124) on Saturday, April 20, 2002 at 4:14PM :
...about believeing that Jackie did all of this cause I wouldn't make the mark of Zooro with her? Remember it isn't just sex and rejection...it's MONEY, sex and rejection.
How do you suppose children were greeted when they said Father Sweetcheeks was playing around in their pants? It was the same reaction, the same disbelief..."oh he COULDN'T have done that"!!! Meaning how dare you shatter our fond illusions. I'm getting the same treatment from people who don't want to believe that the woman THEY put their trust in, would do such a thing...block a monument from coming to yet another city because she couldn't get her thang twanged...because it would mean that THEY were duped...that THEY are easily fooled.... impressed by bad jewelry and used cars.
No one is interested in me, my family, my work, their own standing...all they want to do is beat down this ugly image of a woman so upset at not getting her way...so politically horny, so intent on her own juices that she would sabotage an effort, fourteen years in the making...intended for all of us...just because I said no thank you.
This was the same thing people faced when confessing to Freud what amounted to rampant child sexual abuse which he interpreted as a "wish" to sleep with Mom and Pop...when it was Pop molesting both sis and brother. People simply will not believe what they are afraid is true.
Up till two weeks before the convention I was still Jackie's darling, though she was growing increasingly uncomfortable at our "friendship" whereas Wilfred was becomming positively frightened out of his wits. Seems there were calls in the night from priests and other nervous public paragons of virtue who might not want you to know EVERYTHING abaout them either!!!
Even after the time she claims she began demanding I repay her non-loan, she continued buying sculpture...and if I became disillusioned with the rate at which she brought me customers, why would I blow the whole thing...why not just move on and pick on some other poor, sweet, defenseless bitch?
The idea that I invited all of this, made it happen...is like accusing a woman of wanting to be raped because she wore a short skirt. Where's the connection? because Jackie has tried to bury me, has used every dirty trick she could...does it therefore stand to reason that I am the one who asked for it?
If I break a chair over your head because you read a book...does that make it your fault, after all it's your head that's bleeding, not mine...that your head is broken?
That's what Jackie is doing and saying to Wilfred and others who still listen to her. She points to the things that happened to me...that she MADE happen to me and says..."see, he is just soooo mad he must be on drugs or need counselling...I mean look what he is SAYING."
Like I said...those among us who have things of their own they wish to hide, or get away with...or who are equally vested in maintaing a front and a facade behind which they are working all manner of scams...will support Jackie to the hilt and refuse to believe any of this. The parents who continued looking the other way were afraid to have their fantasies of the Church shattered...or of Bush...or of their notion of America.
The truth is pretty strong stuff, but most necessary if you want to do real work. There is no way I could fool any Arts Commission the way Jackie and Wilfred and a Martin Manna fool us...no way.
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