The "Actionable" Letter To Jackie B

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Posted by Assyrian Enema from ( on Wednesday, January 15, 2003 at 3:45PM :

To: Jackie Bejan (President of Assyrian American Association of San Jose)

Cc: Zinda Magazine, Sharokin TV, Assyrian Voice, Bet Nahrain TV, Zowaa, AAA Modesto,

NCTV@Nineveh, and all other Assyrian organizations around the world

Bcc: All Assyrian individuals 

Subject: 2003 New Year’s Eve Assyrian Party in San Jose, CA 

Dear Jackie Bejan, 

I would like to take the time to appreciate all your hard work and effort towards putting together such a splendid 2003 New Year’s Eve party at the Marriott hotel in Santa Clara, CA.

I have been in the United States for almost nine years, and I had not been at any New Year’s Eve Assyrian parties for quite a while. Therefore, I decided to attend the NYE party this year to have a good time along with my family. I was expecting to enjoy the party at least close to what I had spent. 

Miss Jackie, for the 2003 glorious NYE party that you and your gang put together, I spent $100.00 (excluding my suit, drinks, and dinner…funny, isn’t it?!), and I would still willingly like to spend one hundred more dollars just to find out what the heck you and your nasty organization have been thinking? Do you really believe that you fooled your people again? Most of our families would prefer to spend the New Year’s Eve together at an Assyrian party, how dare you little nasty pumpkin take advantage of their innocence and credulity? Should I call this a highway rubbery?

+++Calling Jackie a "nasty pumpkin" illegal? Calling her club "nasty" is grounds for a lawsuit?

I was about to approach you in the hallway at the hotel, but my relatives prevented me from doing so. Could you please tell us what the maximum capacity of the ballroom was, and how many extra tickets were sold just a few hours before the party started? The prices of your tickets ranged from $100.00 to $120.00 for such a ridiculous, worthless, and miserable party. Could you see that people were bumping into each other on the tiny dance floor? Do you know what the difference between your cheap party and my Speedo was??

+++Jackie and his SPEEDO???

Neither of them had enough ballroom!

+++Whoa...he ought to see her wall. 

“Let’s go to Jack in the box”, I said to everybody on my table as soon as I saw your cheap dinner; in fact, I should’ve said that in the microphone to the whole crowd! Do you ever feel a little bit of respect for your people? How could you serve such a cheap dinner that was not worth even $8.00? One X-Small scoop of mashed potato; one X-Small size of Chicken! No Wine, no Champagne, not enough coffee, no fruit, not even a Goddamn soda on the tables???!!! How long have you been living in this country? You could have at least gone to Trader Joe’s to pick up a bottle of Wine ($1.99/bottle) for each table just to cover your sorry-fat ass.

+++Now, sheer honesty forces me to point out that it is NOT a "sorry fat ass". I know it's a very happy fat ass....great big grin...dimpled cheeks.

And your nasty salad had only two pieces of tomatoes (2mm each; hardly to find). When I shared this with my American co-workers, even they called this an immoral behavior and a cruel rip off.

++++Sigh...we WOULD have "immoral" salads in Assyria.

Quite un-fucking-believable, ha! 

I had a phone call from back home (Iran) last night. Would you like to know about their New Year’s Eve party? Ok then, Miss Jackie, would you please put your freaky glasses on so you can read the following lines better? Although I am pretty sure that even your stupid brain will not be able to grasp such words:

The New Year’s Eve Assyrian party in Tehran was held at the Shooshan hall. The tickets were sold for $25.00 per individual. They had four singers...

...There were all kinds of fruits


(including Pineapple), and beverages on the tables. There were Shrimps, Chicken-Kababs, and all kinds of dips on each table just for the dessert. I don’t even want to go over their wonderful dinner, which included many different courses of food, all self-service; in other words, ALL YOU CAN EAT! Why don’t you open up your nasty eyes and read that line again: “ALL YOU CAN EAT”. Their party ended at 4:00 a.m. with serving breakfast (Harisah). Now, you talk to me about your green fucking dollars, Miss Jackie! 

+++Jackie does not fuck green dollars...neither does she fuck FOR dollars. I am here to say she probably doesn't fuck at all...

+++Switch to a courtroom...Jackie in the witness box...yoors trooly, nattily dressed in jeans, boots and some sort of shirt, one eyebrow cocked, thumbs hooked in pockets, rocking back, "folksy-like on his cowboy boot heels..."Ms Bejan, you claim I couldn't possibly know you don't fuck anymore. That it is slander and defecation on your character to say so. Very well...tell the jury Ms Bejan, DO you fuck? And if so, how often? When was the last time? And, Ms Bejan...if you do, as you claim...fuck. The please tell the jury why Lincoln looks like HE hasn't fucked in a long long while.

Yet, most of you so-called “Assyrian Americans” consider yourself such classy people just because you live in America (especially in Silicon Valley) and speak English and run after a single dollar almost twenty hours a day, and you feel sorry for people in Iran and think of them as low-class Assyrians. Firstly, there are people in there who can buy you off in a nanosecond. Secondly, this is not a dinner or beverage issue, this is all about respect and value, and they do value their people who spend time and money on such events. Thirdly, why don’t you all

so-called “classy Assyrian Americans” cut the crap and stop bragging about your not-yet-owned cardboard houses and spend a few thousand of dollars and go see how beautiful they live, and how kind and respectfully they treat their people. You are the ones who always talk about the abundance of everything in this country…especially when it comes to food. “Oh, poor Assyrians in Iran, they eat meat only once a month!” you say; not knowing the fact that they work less and eat better than you. You guys just simply pass out when you see a single dollar bill.

“Why don’t you go back there?” you may ask, which would not be your damn business! However, when someone like you steps forward and evilly performs such swindle for many years in a row, then that should become every single Assyrian’s business.  

You, Jackie & and your gang, should be so ashamed of your cheap-sorry-hairy asses!

+++Okay...I can see it in court..."your honor, Jackie DOES have hair on her ass...DROP 'EM!"

All you cared about was the name of the Marriott hotel so you could make an announcement to the whole world that your party took place at such a classy place, and your Assyrian losers were dropped off their unpaid Mercedes and Hummers. And pretty soon, you will show up your ugly face on Assyrian TV again, and you will start lecturing us on how great and gorgeous your party went, and how people loved it, and how you’re going to do the same thing next year. Oh, by the way, should I remind you of last year’s Assyrian convention in San Jose? Where the hell did you find that shameful park for picnic? Still, you charged $7.00 each person for admission. There were people over from Germany, Canada, and Australia for that convention. Didn’t you feel embarrassed? Even the cheapest Mexicans would not throw a picnic in such horrible park. I feel really sorry for such nation that always brags about its enlightened and civilized history. You guys consider yourself the most ancient nation in the world; yet, your brain lacks thousands of years in civilization. Even after 6752 years, you guys are not fully developed yet! Your TV programs are worthless; your parties are disgusting and vain. Let’s put it this way, you suck! Maybe that’s why God has not blessed you, because you deserve nothing, absolutely nothing!  

There are knowledgeable people in Assyrian community such as Mr. Wilfred Alkhas whom we see on Assyrian TVs every once in a while, and he proudly talks to us about Assyrians’ great accomplishments over the past thousands of years. Dear Wilfred, I saw you at the party and I really liked your sarcastic smile. Let’s be honest, did you really enjoy the party or you simply decided to stay mute?

+++Oops...there goes Wilfred. No balls for Wilfred. Probation extended...behave yourself...don't you ever share a "glance" with a Jackster enemy again.

+++I think Jackie got especially spooked because this guy sounds a little like someone else we know...ahem. Is there a rebellion brewing in Assarmenia? Could this be a harbinger of more such disloyal and actionable outbursts? What's a poor girl to much must she spend to cover her ass. IS there enough?..."Give me bank accounts to match my arse."

Did you see how wonderfully your knowledge was appreciated? Do Assyrians who run our organizations really understand the meaning of Values and Ethics? I don’t know why people like you keep showing off their Assyrian nationality, but when such disgraceful things happen (which happen all the time) you simply button your lips and say no word!

Nonetheless, on 2003 NYE, each Assyrian who went to the Marriott hotel in Santa Clara, spent $7.00 on dinner, $30.00 on two mostly-Arabic singers, and they just simply put the remnant ($63.00/person) into Miss Jackie’s pocket as they did last year. Oh, I’m sorry, maybe they charged her $40.00 per person just for covering those ugly chairs with a piece of cloth! “Oh, my God, look at those beautiful chairs! What a beautiful hall!” You so-called “classy people” said. Well-done, Miss Jackie! Bravo!

+++Dear Hotel just charges for the cost of the groceries.

Should this be a good lesson for all of us who trust such imposters! Jackie, I prefer to call you nothing but a professional bitch!

+++I think this guy needs legal counsel. Either that or knee pads cause Jackie will make him retract or else. I still say you can call a bitch a bitch. You can even call a non-bitch a bitch. But a "profesional"...I don't know. She receives no pay for being a bitch. She is a volunteer bitch...just because she does it most of the time doesn't mean she's a pro...just has the leisure hours to spend being one.

Do you really chew the money raised from such events or you use them to patch up your greasy hips?

+++Can you sue for that? Must you demonstrate in court that your hips are NOT greasy? Where would the grease come from....never mind. That's the thing with the you get to know her better, or worse...there are so many places, like her "greasy" hips or hairy ass, that you don't want to go. Only then do you begin to wonder, "well why go around her at all"?

If you don’t know how to feel responsible for your people, please do yourself and us a big favor and pack up and get the hell out. Don’t forget to take your charlatan gang with you, as well. 

Jackie, this letter will be e-mailed and cascaded to thousands of Assyrian individuals and organizations around the world; in the meantime, hundreds of hardcopies of it will be distributed in any future Assyrian events just to let people know/remind them that how cheap, nasty, and vicious you and your organization are. By the way, until you show up your nasty face on any Assyrian TV and apologize to people and admit the fact that you screwed up again, such letters will keep traveling around the world.  

I would like to hold all Assyrian TVs, Magazines, and other organizations responsible for taking action regarding this manner. 

+++Boy...had he just owned up to what he said by adding his real name...he might not have helped Jackie make a case against him. I would never accuse Jackie, or her club, of trying to steal money...neither would I accuse them deliberately planning a "dis-respectful" event. The recent poetry reading does seem to lend itself to a claim of showing little respect for the poets, or the audience because of Alphonse's horrible performance...but they would counter that it was as a result of the respect they feel for those poets, and us, that they held the event at all.

That's not quite accurate though. If not for the poets...if not for the monuments, why would people gather together to hear Alphonse's poetry...or hear another speech from Jackie about how much she "does" for us...if there isn't a poet or two handy she point to as evidence? Jackie USES the she tried to use Nimrod did. These events are the means by which...the excuse she provides, for people to come see the real show...JACKIE and her travelling band of "I DO IT FOR YOUS". The people in her club know this, but out of a sincere desire to help the cause they go along because who else is as driven to promote herself...and drag us with her, if not Jackie?

+++In essence he is correct. His personal attacks are okay too...a disgruntled customer at an event has every right to bitch about the food etc...and if he thinks there is some fast dealing with the money...he can be mistaken, but it's his honest opinion...based, we might all agree, on some pretty hard experience with these crooks in the past. How's he supposed to know Jackie HAS to be innocent when we have presidents and bishops ripping people off...why NOT an Armenian half-breed?

+++I don't see much that Shawn can make anything of...except to scare the guy into submission. Jackie's position will be that she was humiliated...why shouldn't this guy come in for his share? I'd advise him to hold fast...let them threaten to sue him...I doubt any jury will award her anything. can't sue for having your feelings hurt...even by lies and distortions. You have to prove you were materially harmed.

Can Jackie show that this letter caused customers to stay away from her company KemSafe Tech Inc? Will it lose her money there? Will it even cause people not to attend the parties, which are after all voluntary events? Where's the harm? Jackie isn't a caterer...if the guy had written as much about Dan Aghazzi, there might be some claim...but then Dan isn't stupid...and Jackie is.

+++You can't sue people for calling you stupid, it's self-defeating by prove you are by doing it.

+++If anyone knows this guy, have him contact me...I think I can calm him down...I'm sure Shawn has sent him a "tewibble wettew" threatening all sorts of pots and and hats and coats...a whole closet-full of disasters unless he apologizes to Jackie.

+++Jackie's most marked characteristic is casting herself as the victim when she's been asking for it all along. What goes around comes around. This guy got the details wrong...but he pegged her accurately in the ways that cunt.

+++No brainer.

Agha Podrouz from San Jose, CA

+++Did you HAVE to use his name? When contemplating an act of courage and deeply felt conviction next time...use your own name. Agha Petrous certainly did. You made what you wrote more damning to yourself by addmitting there was something in it you didn't want to be held accountable most of our Assrin Mountains and Volcanoes and Implements and ferrocious beasts.

+++Is there NO pride in Assyria.

-- Assyrian Enema
-- signature .

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