Posted by Sadie from ? (18.104.22.168) on Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 12:17PM :
Real Finnish Winter
(A Story in a Finnish Daily in January 2003, translated by Seppo Tella)
In Russian Carelia, people suffer because of freezing weather, while Finnish people are dying to have some more:
+15 degrees C: In Spain, people start wearing winter clothes and gloves.
Finnish people continue to bask in the sun.
+10C: The French try desperately to switch on their central heating
Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
+5C: Italian cars refuse to start. Finns drive around in open-top cars.
0C: Water freezes. Water in Finnish lakes continues to flow as smoothly as ever.
-5C: Californians struggle against death from exposure. Finns organise BBQs in their gardens.
-10C: British people start heating their houses. Finns start wearing long-sleeve shirts.
-20C: Austrians fly to Mallorca. Finns celebrate Midsummer Night: autumn has arrived.
-30C: Greeks start dying out of cold and disappear completely. Finnish people start taking showers inside.
-40C: Paris collapses under the burden of "les grands froids". Finns queue up at the sausage kiosks.
-50C: Polar bears must be saved from the North Pole. The Finnish Army postpones its winter exercise because of mild weather.
-60C: Korvatunturi (the home of Father Christmas) freezes. Finnish people rent videos and stay inside watching them.
-70C: Father Christmas moves south. Finnish people are concerned about not being able to keep their bottles of vodka out of doors. The Finnish Army starts their winter exercise.
-183C: Food microbes are destroyed. Finnish cows complain about their milkers having cold hands.
-273C: Atoms freeze. The Finns only remark that it is perkele cold outside.
-300C: Hell freezes. Finns win the Eurovision song contest.
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