Posted by Iraqi Panch from ? (188.8.131.52) on Friday, April 25, 2003 at 7:21PM :
Open Letter To Shawn Leuthold
You know that desire some people have to ask a nice whore how he or she got into the profession? It drives them crazy...I mean the questions, the curiosity. To them it should be obvious to anyone...yes, the love of money is THAT great! That plus the fact that most whores were abused sexually as children so they built up a tolerance to doing what they didn't want to, or feel like...only when they were children it wasn't for money usually that they dropped their knickers...but for "love"...attention, really. Some children are so insecure they'll do anything to stave off the feeling of unworthiness, even at that price...though no one is around to tell them it will just get worse. But you know what kind of culture we live in...love can be replaced by money, easily...which only shows how little people understand "love" or their own feelings...but that's another topic.
Me, personally, I hated being forced or coerced into anything. If a teacher said I had to do "X" to not flunk...I'd say, "flunk and be damned". I felt instinctively that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the reward, whatever it was, if I had to degrade myself to win it. It's called compromise...and we're all told we have to do it. It's true, we do. But it matters whether it's forced on you by Life circumstances or some overweening bitch in love with her own bank account and certain she can buy what she never has deserved or inspired on her own.
Lincoln knows..he told Jackie it was only her money that made her a "leader" in anyone's eyes...and though I'm sure you'd find her charming in a social setting, if she had the money to get in...you would never stoop to doing her bidding if she didn't have the money to buy your services. You say it's your job...but I think it goes beyond that...I think that whenever you can, you squint your eyes, hold your nose and do as you're told, probably like the abused child who derives some "other" sort of gratification from it. There are lots of lawyers with integrity, which in this case would have meant digging a little deeper to see if Jackie was telling you the truth. You can't win justice for someone if you're operating in the dark...but this isn't about justice, it's about Jackie being able to buy immunity through you. You know damn well you aren't going to get a penny or a peso out of me if you win...what you're hoping for is an injunction againt me so that if I mention the twat again I'll be in contempt of court and could wind up in jail.
Now, if I was so stupid as to allow myself to get manuevered into that...I'd still do it. But, if all it takes is my not coming to the United States again...big loss. There is a world away from here. And if it came to that...I'd make certain to make it not worth her while. You don't suppose after all of this she's going to gain any relief do you?
I've been in your shoes. I know the feeling of having Jackie write checks. In your case she is buying something she values much more than art...she is buying affirmation...legitimacy. You "beleve" in her...not because she told you the truth or is an honest woman, but because she paid you to. The man who pays to have his whore treat him as Napoleon does the same thing Jackie's doing with you...she pays you to believe she is innocent of all the things I have charged her with...as she pays to have her club believe she must be a decent woman. With her heart she shits on people and pays with money to clean the mess and not only clean it, but make those people grateful they were ever shat upon by such a "classy lady".
I understand the temptation...I too have mortgage payments and children to clothe and a wife who deserves security and comfort. But not at that price...not at that price. You can say it is your job, but hell, my job is to sell sculpture and Jackie was, after all, buying sculpture. Or so it seemed. On closer examination it turns out however that she was buying people, as she is buying you. When I realized that was what she was doing, I stopped selling. You can get away with it because your profession, like mine, allows us to kid ourselves, if we want to. I too was striving to give Jackie the best there was in me to give, like you are. And it wasn't my job either to determine the "truth" in the woman. What should it matter to me what kind of person buys my work. But it does, so long as we are dealing face to face.
When I sense that the person isn't clean, isn't playing straight, is trying instead to use the power of their money to get something else from me...I back off. Jackie believes that by lying to you and her friends and doing it well...as she is a most accomplished liar, she can erase the truth...wipe out the memory and the facts of what she did. That's what you are for. You aren't getting Jackie "justice"...your work is hardly ever about that. You aren't even interested...it isn't your job to be interested in truth or fact. Your job is to give Jackie what she wants...if she pays you enough for it.
Jackie is so pissed at me because I am not a lawyer...don't work on that principle. I'm telling the truth about her...she is lying to you. She is furious the most because I wasn't seduced by her money or her body...god help us. Unlike you, my job is not to give satisfaction for pay...it is to work to satisfy myself and allow others the pleasure of participating. We both fuck..you just can be made to do it for money as well, it is indeed a whore's "job". I do it for love.
If I have been the instrument by which you have managed to get fucked and get well paid for it...I am vibrating all over with pleasure.
-- Iraqi Panch
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