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Posted by Sadie from D006166.N1.Vanderbilt.Edu ( on Saturday, May 24, 2003 at 10:35PM :

In Reply to: THIS IS FUNNY! posted by Sadie from D006166.N1.Vanderbilt.Edu ( on Saturday, May 24, 2003 at 10:30PM :


All Species Under Review, President Says

One day after Christine Todd Whitman departed her post at the Environmental Protection Agency, President George W. Bush announced ambitious new plans to phase out the environment altogether by 2004.

"In addition to cutting taxes, it is the goal of this administration to cut our wasteful, bloated environment," Mr. Bush said in a speech before the Association of Indiscriminate Applauders in Washington, D.C.

While plans to eliminate the environment entirely are still being formulated, the general strategy of the White House is to phase out the environment gradually "so that hardly anyone will notice it's gone," an aide said today.

Apparently, the plan to phase out the environment may have prompted Ms. Whitman's decision to leave the EPA, since the agency's mission seemed increasingly nebulous in the absence of an environment to protect.

"Christie decided to move from the EPA to New Jersey because a year from now New Jersey will still be around," one source said.

The President's plan to eliminate the environment calls for a comprehensive review of all species currently living in the United States and the accelerated extinction of all superfluous organisms by the end of fiscal 2004.

The plan also calls for a gradual reduction of air and water, with water most likely to get the axe.

"If it comes down to choosing between air and water, the President will probably scrap water," one aide said. "After all, the Iraqis haven't had water in weeks and look how well they're doing."


Finally, it's in stock and available: "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison" by Andy Borowitz can be ordered at today for immediate shipping. Order now and save 20% -- Andy's new book for only $8.76. Go to or click on the book link above and get your copy today.

"The funniest business-book title we've come across in a while is from humorist Andy Borowitz: 'Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison." -- The Washington Post

"Very funny." -- Publishers Weekly

"A strong candidate for our book of the year award." The Guardian (U.K.)

-- Sadie
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