a few more things...

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Posted by Lilly from ? ( on Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 12:30PM :

In Reply to: what? posted by Lilly from ? ( on Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 11:37AM :

: xxx & it was disturbing me, because it seemed as if you were indulging yourself in some imaginary physical "rape" scenario between you & her too much.

xxx By "indulging," I mean: you were clawing at an old scab... maybe even taking a needle to it & making it bigger. Another analogy: you were taking your pain & rolling around in it, not unlike a dog enthusiastically rolling around on sun-baked roadkill. Last analogy: it seemed as if you were taking unhealthy pleasure in your pain, like someone who has suicidal tendencies (like that friend of mine who was raped) can find pleasure in self-hatred.

: I don't call it a rape, what that ex-boyfriend did to me - I call that the manifestation of his being an immature, spoiled brat who thought the whole damn world revolved around him...

xxx & let me add "stupid" & "controlling" to the list of adjectives I will use to characterize him. I made peace with him, but he didn't like that... he didn't like the fact that I'd want to date someone else. So, I changed my phone number (we live in different places now), got the number unlisted, blocked his email address from my account, & avoid my parents' city house (which he likes to drive past on national holidays to see if I'm home). To say I don't trust him, is right, but to say that I hate him... it's more like pity.

-- Lilly
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