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The Laissez Faire Electronic Times,
Vol 1, No 34, October 7, 2002
The Emperor's War on Dissenting Sultanates
From the Millennial Chronicles of Fra Alphonse de Platitudinis
Translated by Kevin Ellul Bonici
September 12, New York, the year-and-one-day after: Führer-Emperor George II laid down his case against Sultan Saddam before the United Nations General Assembly. The evidence was presented eloquently, much in the style of the persecutorial school of US Reich-Attorney, General Ashcroft: evidence based on "history, logic and facts" – as they pertain to the requirements of Pax Americana, ensuring freedom for all by means of the most powerful weapons of mass destruction.
The evidence against the Sultan of Iraq, therefore, is overwhelming.
But with the exception of true allies like Tony and Sharon, relevant world rulers have come out against this second phase in the crusade against dissenting Sultanates. So the Führer-Emperor gave both the UN and the Sultan a last chance.
To Sultan Saddam: dismantle your weapons of mass destruction and comply with all my express demands, or I'll eradicate you and your Sultanate.
To the UN: see that Saddam complies with my express demands or I'll ignore you and eradicate him and his Sultanate.
But the traditional allies are still jittery – indeed cowards, compared to George the Graveheart, Defender of Western Civilization. Only Emperor-wannabe Tony Churchill Blair seems to be all out for war against the evil Sultanate, apart from Ariel Sharon the King of the Jews, of course.
Führer Tony the Smiley Prophet is himself an aspiring Führer-Emperor of The West. He has wisely foreseen that apart from God's Chosen People, three are the world's remaining civilizations with a chance to pursue their own civilization's evolution. So Tony knows that The West must first conquer and tame the dissenting Arab World before embarking on any final bout against the Mongol hordes. Tony's ex-Reich-Empire holds weapons of mass destruction and it has also been a major player in world affairs, including the marking of Iraq's borders and the shaping of a Kingdom for God's Chosen People at the expense of the Palestinian terrorists.
King Ariel too, as David's descendent, is an angelic guardian of weapons of mass destruction and his Kingdom is a successful violator of unjust UN Security Council Resolutions. With his own terrorist soldiers he rules over the Palestinian fief, while he attempts to rule over the whole flat earth through his janissaries, the US Reich-Empire soldiers.
The rest are not as brave as Tony and Sharon, repeatedly expressing such heresies as 'Saddam has no weapons of mass destruction.' Take Reich Chancellor Gerhard Schröder. After the Emperor's UN speech Schröder had the temerity to repeat his earlier blasphemy that under his rule the German Reich will not join the Emperor's chariots of war, come what may. With the German pop-elections so close, Chancellor-wannabe Stoiber is accusing Schröder of undermining US-German relations with such emphatic anti-war rhetoric. Sadly, Stoiber's move seems to have backfired as polls are increasingly supporting the coward Schröder. According to the German chronicle Die Welt, the tale of Emperor George and Sultan Saddam has become a key election issue for the undeserving Germans. As Fox News super-spinning guru Bill Oh! Reilly told the German ambassador to the US Reich-Empire a few weeks ago:
"We saved your butt after World War Two. […] Now, Americans are saying to Germany… […] Let us remove a person who is a threat to the entire world and you guys say: Nein. What's up with that?"
Jacques Chirac, King of the Franks and aspiring Führer-Emperor of the future European Imperium, has been less exclusive than Schröder, choosing instead to humour Emperor George rather than shutting him out completely, thus keeping him hoping the Euro-Reiches will play his game against Saddam. The Frank King, himself a keeper of weapons of mass destruction, has long ruled out US action unless it has a UN rubberstamp – over which he holds a frank veto. Just a few weeks ago he addressed a hall of Frank ambassadors and told them that an attack by the American Reich-Empire would be illegal without a UN rubberstamp. The Führer- Emperor was not amused. And rightly so, for this implied that the US Reich-Empire would itself be a Terrorist Reich should it unilaterally embark on its mission of mass destruction. What says the Frank King counts well in Europe and George, Führer-Emperor of The West, was hoping that King Jacques would not question his imperial intentions.
Spanish Inquisitorial Dictator José-Maria (Santa Madre!) Aznar, descendent of Visigoth kings and Grand Annihilator of the Basque Batasuna Party, joined Chirac in a comfortable anti-terror- anti-war tango. So did Italy's burlesque Duce, Don Silvio, Hater of all things Muslim, who even managed to restrain his imperial sentiments of Rinascimento Italiano by keeping to the euro-bandwagon and calling for a UN stamp. Acting Emperor-in-Council of the European Union, Danish Tribal Leader Rasmussen expressed his delight that Emperor George had granted a concession to the United Nations and his ex-allies in Europe. Just as UN Chief, sweet Kofi Anan had so gently requested, Rasmussen added. The same line was taken by the Kanak, Aussie and Kiwi Tribal Chiefs.
While most of the Europid rulers want a UN mandate in order to halt the Emperor's war, it is not yet known how many, other than Tony Blair, want a UN mandate so that they can blame it on the UN if they too eventually joined the game and things got out of hand. Don Silvio, for example, after acquiring an audience with Emperor George just two days after the UN speech, gladly claimed that if Saddam does not comply, he'll get it by January – February next year.
Now that the Emperor has made his ultimatums, the major Kings and Führers of Europe who reject war and fear its repercussions will send their emissaries to meet with counterparts from the Sultanate of Iraq. And they will be competing with the emissaries of the future European Imperium in their traineeship for a single Euro-voice. For the wrath of the US Reich-Empire will spare no one if they now fail to convince Saddam to at least act as if he's complying and, most importantly, to bow his head in submission to the Führer-Emperor, even ostensibly. If Saddam remains defiant the ex-allies have only got a Hobson's choice: the Führer-Emperor himself had made it clear at the beginning of his crusade – "you're either with us or you're with the terrorists."
But there's one brave man who needs a mention. Musharraf the Magnificent, the Sultan of Pakistan, knows where he stands in this worthy crusade, even if he's been earmarked for early assassination. Sultan Musharraf, who in humility calls himself a puny general, took the UN podium just after the Führer-Emperor relieved himself there. Musharraf reminded everyone of the sacrifices he's had to endure in order to help the US Reich-Empire in its terrorist War on Terror, particularly since he had to burden himself with so much extra power as a worthy defender of freedom. Musharraf, also a guardian of weapons of mass destruction, then performed a jamming session with Jammu & Kashmir, the popular duo that hit the charts while Afghan rag-heads were being bombed out of the stone age. Musharraf reminded everyone how evil the Fiefdom of India is, itself harbouring terrorists and developing more weapons of mass destruction.
On that same day another brave keeper of weapons of mass destruction put in his two kopeks' worth of communiqué. Russian Tsar Rasputin reconfirmed for the zillionth time that the Cold War is over, recognizing that new enemies have now risen. Dissenting Sultanates need to be bombed, he said, especially the Sultanate of Georgia, the ex-Soviet fief that is now helping Muslim terrorists who want a Sultanate of their own in Chechnya. These Sultanate-wannahaves are at least as bad as both Saddam and Al Qaeda Network Inc. According to Tsar Rasputin, Georgian King Edward Shevardnadze, the once honourable Soviet squire of the Gorbachev era, was now infected with a terror virus worse than the one that afflicts Saddam.
Meanwhile, the great Chinese wannabe-empire, another keeper of weapons of mass destruction, shudders with marvel at this latest American pie. Whatever strategy China will follow this time is anyone's guess. But China does not even have to file a complaint over Tibetan terrorists. In appreciation for not messing things up, China has traditionally gained the privilege to do whatever it takes to become a great empire in its own right, just hoping for the long cold war with Japan to thaw and fade into history for real things to start happening there once again…
Meanwhile, the Muslim World too shudders at the feat of this great man in his Christian crusade against evil-doers. The compliant Sultans of the fragmented Arab Nation have long insisted with Emperor George that they don't feel threatened by their brother Sultan Saddam, thank you very much. Yet brave George insists that Saddam is a threat to them too. So far, apart from the pseudo-European, Kurd-eating Sultanate of Turkey, and the Iraqi no-fly zones under the Emperor's control, only Qatar wins the prize for Most Compliant Sultanate as it allows its territory to team with infidel US Reich-Empire soldiers with their weapons of mass destruction pointing at their brothers in the Sultanate of Iraq. For the purposes of his jihad, Emperor George would have loved to use the Arabian territory – the Holy Land of the Muslim World. But the House of Saud, with its hold over Arabia shaken, is jittery about the prospect, fearing that this would result in a popular uprising in favour of the Mullahs. The House of Bush is not impressed by such rhetoric. With the help of Judeo-fundamentalist American patriots, it unleashes its war-dogs on the Saudis: they're no friends since they donate money to martyrs' families in Palestine, and Hey, those terrorist retaliators who martyr-bombed US-Reich territory were mostly Saudis. If the House of Saud plays too smart, the House of Bush can take away its oilfields in a flash – and the fearless dogs told them so, in a flash!
The more Emperor George is feared, the more will he be respected and admired throughout the Muslim World. What a brave soldier of peace indeed, the world's Muslims are saying. How they'd love to have such a great Emperor for themselves. The world has yet to witness such solidarity among the Arab masses. No man since the great Prophet Mohammed Himself has succeeded in uniting the Arab Nation the way Emperor George has.
And if war breaks out, all the US Judeo-fundamentalists would have been vindicated: the threat of Islam is real. For at this rate, the Arab Nation would fraternally join across their Sultanates' borders in further solidarity. Sultan Mubarak the Deceiver, Sultan Abdullah the Yank, Sultan Fahd the Traitor and even Sultan Gaddhafi the Bluff and Prince Arafat the False Terrorist, among many others, could be toppled by Holy Mullahs, defenders of the Arab Nation and its Islamic Civilization. They would retaliate as widely as their resources take them, and Emperor George can then say: I told you these folks are evil.
We stand today at Phase Two of the crusade on retaliators to imperial terrorism. Phase One has seen the great Reich-Empire soldiers smoke Al Qaeda's souls out of their Afghan holes. And now that Osama, the Prince of Darkness, is either Dead or Alive, as Emperor George had wisely predicted, it's good that Sultan Saddam still lurks around. For who would otherwise have tasted the unspent wrath of this godly empire in its defence of world freedom?
This is the philosophical key to the greatness of Western Civilization: an Empire cannot without evil-doers defend freedom against evil, and where no evil-doers abound then evil-doers must be created for the Empire to exercise its powers. It does not matter that there's no link to the September 11 retaliation. It doesn't matter that there's no love between Saddam and Osama. Saddam is a non-compliant Arab Sultan. Saddam is unrepentant for his past sins and Israel would feel better without him. Saddam rules over Iraqi oil. Saddam is a swell choice, better than the other two dissenting Sultans within the Axis of Evil. And, yes, Daddy doesn't like Saddam one teeny weenie bit, for Saddam has been shoving his middle finger at Daddy far too long now.
The true colours of this zealous defender of Western Civilization will truly emerge if he succeeds in bringing about a Mullah take-over, not just in Iraq, but across an Arab-Muslim alliance.
Long Live Führer-Emperor George II for that extra effort that moves world history faster.
Who said prime movers need be smart?
Kevin Ellul Bonici is co-editor of European MONITOR in Malta.
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