Thank You Fred...

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Posted by Ashur Bar Ninvayah from ( on Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 11:13AM :

Hey Freddy, how’s the world treating you today? You know, I really have to express my gratitude to you. I don’t know how you did it, but I feel great today and I owe it all to your therapy. You aren’t by any chance related to old Siggy are you? You know he hated God, or at least the concept of God just like you. Left the world’s stage via euthanasia. Is that how you’ll make your exit? Well, somehow I rather doubt it; I think you lack the courage.
Let me guess Freddy, I think you have the wanabe tortured soul of some kind of artist. Hmmmmm… a writer? No, you’ve already proved that’s not your forte. Musician? Nooooo. Your soul just doesn’t sing. I’ve got it! You’re a painter. Now let’s see, what’s your medium? Pastels? Noooooo, a George Raft type tough guy like you wouldn’t use pastels. Oils! Yeah, definitely oils. Greys and especially black oils, full of roils and toils and boils. But which artist are you trying to emulate? Definitely one with a tortured soul, not that yours is tortured; you just want the world to see you that way. Well, you have the dwarfish qualities of Toulouse Lautrec, and the scary surrealism of Salvador Dali, but I kind of think you prefer to think of yourself as a bona fide Van Gogh disciple (you know, the tortured soul thing). Of course, Vincent was an authentic tortured soul, you’re a counterfeit. You wear it on your sleeve and shout it at the top of your lungs to draw attention to yourself. Gee, I hope you’re not going to cut off an ear. Oh, no, you wouldn’t do that (not an ear). I think you would much prefer your nose (to spite your face, of course). Self-mutilation is definitely your style. Gosh, I guess you’d have to get a rhinoprosthesis to cover that ugly spot under your eyes. You know, maybe you could get one of those little tiny horns clowns use and have it inserted in your prosthesis, then everyone could honk your nose, instead of shaking your hand. Gee, you are really a complicated fellow aren’t you? So profound and incomprehensible! Hating God because He didn’t ask you first, how to do it. But, heck, look at all the fun you’re having now critiquing his handiwork. And, you’ve got to admit, He does allow you to stand head and shoulders above the crowd in that little Ivory Tower, all by yourself where you can look down on the rest of humanity with disdain. It must be awfully lonely for you up there though, all by yourself. But isn’t that part of your arcane mystique? Tortured genius, can’t find anyone at his intellectual elevation to communicate with. Despises the human race because they’re too stupid to live according to the philosophy of Lead Head Fred.
Now, I’d like to ask, Siggy, why someone with your personality would establish a Forum like this. Old Siggy would have had a field day with you. Actually, I don’t think it’s that difficult to figure out. WEBSITE… WEB…spider web? It’s a setup. Just like the spider, you set a trap to lure your victims to your web. Once they get trapped in your web, your crafty, sadistic, puny (your description) mind sits back to watch with glee as they struggle to escape from your torture chamber. Kind of like what the present regime in Iraq does to its people, only your purpose is not to physically torture. No, your greatest desire and pleasure is to humiliate, mutilate and distort the psyche in order to reassure yourself that you are superior to everyone else. You poor, pathetic excuse for a human being. You are one sick puppy. You don’t need a country, because you are a country, a country unto yourself. And who said: “No man is an Island.” You just proved that you are.

-- Ashur Bar Ninvayah
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