What Does It Matter...

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Posted by pancho from pool0457.cvx25-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net ( on Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 9:46PM :

...how "Assyrian" we are? Do we think saying we are confers some sort of nobility on us? Does it shield us from having to accept responsibility for what we do? You suppose grabbing an innocent young Jewish man and killing HIM got us off on the wrong foot?

I have never understood the appeal of accepting such a deal..."would you mind taking the bullet for me"? I mean, "why"? Who the hell wants these kinds of people in heaven anyway?

You want to spend the afternoon, never mind eternity, with anyone who, when his or her mistakes and rottenness gets too bad to take...agrees to send someone else to pay the bill? This is worthy behavior?

This is Assyrian?

Could that be where we got this penchant for lying? It seems the part of us that's so filled with "pride" has pushed aside the part that should just tell the unvarnished truth. That's bad enough...but you add to that the fact that we're used to blaming someone else...killing HIM for our mistakes and fuck-ups, and you've got Assrin Leeders.

I'm staring at sworn statements made by Alphonse Odishoo, Jackie Bejan and Atour Golani...and tell the truth, I wish I'd never known any of these people. I find myself in a pit with some of the most dismal people I've ever known.

What makes me the saddest and disgusts me most is when I hear people refer to them as "leaders"...as people who "do a lot for us"....

What can I do...wo can I tell? The one feather in Jackie's cap that she's most known for...her Genocide Brunches...turn out to be her most cynnical exercise of all.

I was at her house once, she and I...kids somewhere...and I was telling her how I felt all this emphasis on death from the past, in the absence of anywhere near to same attention for Life and our young people, was counter-productive. We were watching ourselves die, in every way, and then celebrating it and crying over it. That's a little like a wife abuser apologizing each time...or a drunkard apologizing each time he or she falls off the wagon.

If what happened to us was indeed awful...and was brought on by others through no fault of our own...wouldn't that make it imperative we take some measures to protect our lives...our children, but equally as important, our Heritage. Or is the message that the best we can hope for is to be prepared to "celebrate" each time and add another dismal incident to the list .

I mean really Jackie...people did not die in order that you should have an issue to thrust yourself forward with.

I could barely keep my composure when she said, "You and I know this genocide thing is bullshit...but let's use it".

You can choose not to believe me...think I'm just pissed and what not. I'm willing to pay the price....are any of you? But you should stop to ask yourself how willing you would be to know the truth about this. Does the possibility that it's true shatter you...disgust you...would you rather believe I must be lying...because the other possibility upsets your frantic hope that things like this must not be? Welcome to the world inhabited by people who can't prove they were molested...because of the status or power or position of the person doing the molesting...and the fact that, by their very nature, these sorts of things aren't done in public.

This is a key to understanding how virulent she can be when you prove to be disloyal. Same thing she did to Jeff...another person she was just sure she'd won over...someone safely in her camp. It isn't something we ask for...it's something she has to confer on US, will we or wont we...she craves having the power to enoble you...to choose you from a crowd. From her perspective she has made you into somone special by annointing you as "good"...or even brilliant. And one of the devices she uses...the ultimate weapon, is that body of hers. Having contempt for almost all of the men she's gelded, she knows men are susceptible to being flattered...to congratulating themselves because this successful, capable and married woman seems to be smitten...bats her eyes and flashes that extra charm your way.

At a function for Representative Anna Eshoo held somewhere in San Mateo, I had the "honor" of sitting at table with Jackie and Lincoln. There was a goodly crowd there to meet Anna and perhaps get on board her campaign. I'd cast a donkey sculpture from years back to present to Anna on behalf of the AAS. I heard later that the Whacki Rabi of Iraqi was pissed when he learned I was the one to present it to her and make a little speech. Another opportunity missed.

Over at another table...looking completely out of place on a college campus presidents patio, was Sargon Lewie...our porn video store Federation president, and the usual assemblage of thugs from ZOWAA in those eastern Bloc suits they all share.

What really got us laughing was when Sargon walked up to Anna...right there before everyone...and handed her a check for $1000. Don't blame him...Simele, you know. She got out of it gracefully...as she is one classy and bright broad.

Later, Jackie leaned in to me and whispered, "wannabes"...meaning the thugs. That was the first time I heard the term so like a good idiot I asked what it meant. When she told me, I made a mental note that no one there suited that definition more than Jackie did...and it's her money that makes it possible...as Lincoln told her once, much to her indignation. She knows it's true...and it's fine...if we can benefit and she can benefit...who cares, where's the harm?

The harm comes when you make the mistake of thinking money buys you ability, buys you friends, buys you power. It may do all of those things, but only with people who will never be your friends, are weak to the point of being no use to anyone...and gives you the ability to be manipulative and mean...not the same thing as being powerful.

The other day "Ross"...who by the way says he isn't "Ross" anymore so I can go back to calling him Firas...told me in tones that implied he'd just "arrived", that he'd seen my sculpture at Jackie's house. It was a subtle moment...you couldn't quite say he punched the line...but I've been there and I've watched and heard people talk about her inner sanctum. The whole aura of something rare and fine...all of it fueled of course by money and our insatiable need to get a lot of it...not like we're unique but just that we have very little else to show...especially if you take seriously this claim that we are ASSYRIANS???

-- pancho
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