- Thursday, October 7 2004, 20:26:38 (CEST)|
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Oct. 7th, 2004
Jackson, Mississippi (Associated Press)
Ashur (a.k.a "Big Bird", "Chu-chu Goora", "Pimp-Daddy", "Baal") has been arrested and charged with impersonating a god, setting off a series of world-wide one-man protests in Melbourne, Mexico and Detroit.
Born in modern-day Iraq 4,000 years ago, Ashur snuck out around 612 B.C. after a troop of girl scouts began to attack Nineveh, the city he allegedly founded. Apparently, he had been sleeping on the job and his recklessness resulted in the sack of the once great city and the dispersal of its people for 27 centuries, and counting.
There were reports of rumors that Johnny Cochran would lead a dream-team like defense for the one-time deity, but Cochran's media contacts reported him saying "Hail naw!"
If convicted, Ashur could face anywhere from a minimum of 5 years in federal prison to 10 years house arrest with his fan club headquartered in Mexico, led by a certain fanatic named Parhad. Ashur's court-appointed attorney refused to comment, except to say that neither option was particularly appealing to Ashur.
Associated Press columnist Shlomo Rosenstein contributed to this report.
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