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=> Dinner at the Parhad's

Dinner at the Parhad's
Posted by Paul Younan (Guest) - Friday, August 6 2004, 7:22:24 (CEST)
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FARID: "Goddamit Fredericka, is that roast done yet?"

FREDERICKA: "Almost, sweetie."

FARID: "Just checking, munchkin. Love you."

TIGLATH: "Khizmie, you know that Assyrians invented the pot roast, don't you? The Jews lifted the idea from US."

FARID: "Of course they did. How could sheep-shit herders like them even understand the concept until we educated them?"

JEFF: "That's too controversial Farid, almost sounds like "Death to Iraq, Qurdistan and any other bastards."

FARID: "Oh shut up Jeff. You still have some Christian sheepshit in you, we'll take care of that. Fredericka, GODDAMMIT, where is that fuckin' roast?"

FREDERICKA: "Fred, you can cook it yourself if you'd like, how about that?"

FARID: "Just kidding honey-poo. Go about your business, us REAL Assyrians have some talking to do here anyway. Take your time, pooky. Kiss, kiss."

TIGLATH: "The Akkadians invented talking, by the way."

JEFF: "No way!"

TONY: "They did too! I read it in Nakosha."

HABIBI: "This reminds me of a beautiful movie I saw last night with Georgia O'Keeffe. My friends from undergrad, who I miss like in the worst way, we used to recite poetry while being naked...and, um,....."

FARID: "Zzzzzz. Georgia O'Keeffe! Georgia O'Fucking Keeffe? You watch any movie with THAT Jew in there? What kind of Assyrian are you?"

JEFF: "Farid, actually I think O'Keeffe is Irish name."

FARID: "Same difference. She's just a re-packaged Jew, that's all. Those bastard Irish, fags I tell ya. They wear kilts, those fucking queers."

TONY: "I thought the Scotts wore kilts?"

FARID: "Same difference, all fucking Christian bastards anyway....repackaged Jews."

TIGLATH: "Assyrians invented kilts."

FARID: "Goddamit Fredericka, you'd think you were Christian how long you take cooking. Am I going to have to turn Christian cannibal and eat flesh and blood to survive?"

TONY: "Farid, how do you suppose that will help us today?"

FARID: "Tony, don't try to look intelligent in front of me, ok? I can see right past you and an Assyrian like me, a real Assyrian, is apt to roast your innards over an open fire right now I'm so hungry."

TIGLATH: "The Amorites invented fire."

FARID: "Those fucking Amorites were Christians then. Only a Christian would invent fire so that they could burn the heretics at the stakes. You know they did that back in 1588 AD in Salem, right? Fucking Amorites....reborn Jews is all they were."

TIGLATH: "Yeah, I agree. They were not fit to polish the shoes on one Assyrian King."

JEFF: "Technically, I don't think shoes were invented yet during the Assyrian empire. I think they wore sandals."

FARID: "Jeff Atto, fucking Jeff fucking Atto. Let me tell you something, ok? Jews wore sandals while they were tending to their sheep in those fucking hills, ok? Our kings wore shoes.....and I'm about to THROW MINE IN THE KITCHEN UNLESS THAT FUCKING ROAST GETS DONE, FREDERICKA!"

HABIBI: "You know, I wish I could write a skit for TV based on you guys, I swear! It would, like, have the "eye of the tiger" song, and....."

FARID: "Zzzzz."

TIGLATH: "Our ancestors invented music."

FARID: "I swear to Ashur, I've built statues quicker than this woman can cook."


FARID (opening door): "I deny Ashur with all my soul! La ilaha illah'Llah wa'Muhammadun rasulu'Llah."

GIRL SCOUT: "Excuse me, Sir, I am selling cookies for our summer camp. Would you like to help out our troop?"

FARID: "Heheh. I was just kidding, guys - you know that, right? Heheheh. Ahem. Sure, I'll but some cookies little girl. Is that a yamaka you got on?"

GIRL SCOUT: "No sir, that's part of my troop's uniform."

FARID: "Alright then, as long your not a Jew I'll buy some cookies."

TIGLATH: "Subartians invented cookies, little girl! And don't you forget it!"

NINOS: "Man these cookies remind me of Mosul."

FARID: "Is it just me, or are these cookies shaped like Crosses?"

JEFF: "It's just you, Farid."

FARID: "Fucking crusaders, I'm suspicious of them all. They're all cut from the same cloth, those bloodthirsty Christians. I have no doubt whatsoever that Haliburton made those uniforms."

JEFF: "No, Fred, impossible."

TONY: "They did too! Michael Moore said it himself! How much you wanna bet?"

TIGLATH: "I agree with Jeff, no way Haliburton made those uniforms. Besides, I'm pretty sure the Sumerians invented the girl scout uniforms."

HABIBI: "I used to be a girl-scout and then, like, one day...."

FARID "Zzzzz."

And so went the work for "Assyria" by the "New Assyrians" that night.....


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