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=> Re: Assyrians & Alcoholism Part II

Re: Assyrians & Alcoholism Part II
Posted by Maggie (Guest) - Friday, October 28 2005, 10:15:36 (CEST)
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I think I should start an AA thing for myself.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew who I was and what I wanted. I felt close to the earth I walked on and played on, and with, and always felt like I was in heaven. I figured out what is important in life very early on. I accepted everyone as they are, no matter what they are, and loved them for who they were, not what they could do for me. I never told anyone they were wrong, because I always saw truth and reality as a "relevant" thing. I never judged anyone in any way, nor was interested in gossip. I never asked any personal questions, but talked to people if they wanted to discuss something. I never did as I was told. In fact, when I was told NOT to do something, I was sure to do it, just for the experience of it. I never mocked anyone for believing in something, 'cause I figured they needed to believe in it. I never tried to change anyone, because I found nothing I would ever want to change about them. I never feared anything or anyone, because I always saw them as something natural, not supernatural or odd. I supported people and stood behind them, not matter what, and was loyal to them even at the risk of hurting myself sometimes, because I wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt. Whenever I saw talent I encouraged it, praised it, helped along, introduced it to others, advocated them like no one ever advocated them before.

But for some reason, when ever I met someone or befriended someone, they always wanted to change something about me, and most of the time it was to change me to something so dogmatic, so stiff, so discriminatory and fascistic, that I ended up fighting it. I always met someone who tried to mold me a certain way, or tried to make me conform to a particular standard or ideology. I always met someone who refused to support me, or to believe in me, or to be loyal to me, or to encourage me. I always met someone who tried to put me down, break my spirit, abuse me in some way or another, or to take away my self confidence and my self-esteem.

Do you think there's such a thing as too confident, too strong, too determined, that I should have perhaps given in and compromised with all those people I met. Do you think?

Do you think I should start some kind of an AA for this condition?

By the way, why is the word "should" spelled with an L? Do you think it used to be something else?



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