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=> Re: The Mother Bears The Brunt/Altamont Pass/Forgiveness?
| Re: The Mother Bears The Brunt/Altamont Pass/Forgiveness? |
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Posted by
Emil
(Guest)
squaremoon@emilsdiary.com
- Wednesday, November 9 2005, 5:58:11 (CET) from 24.148.65.193 - 24-148-65-193.grn-bsr1.chi-grn.il.cable.rcn.com  Commercial -  Windows XP -   NetscapeWebsite: http://www.emilsdiary.com/ Website title: Square Moon Diary of Emil Keliane |
Farid, I KNOW how to suffer! And this one I shall suffer with flying colors! All my life it has been easier to suffer the greater devastations, the interpersonal conflicts; but as I continue to heal I find I have the hardest time "suffering" the good stuff. But I'm learning, and I'm learning fast! Celebrating as I move through the days. I'm learning that I no longer have to CHOOSE to suffer simply because this lugubrious suffering has been my familial example/model, and that life until I unhinged myself from an overprotective/manipulative-though "loving"- family was all about "surviving". I don't want to survive. I want to LIVE! I no longer want to find my identity in the fog of living in "crisis mode". There was always a war of some kind in the very fabric of "what I thought it is to be Assyrian". There was the Iran-Iraq war, the Christian/Muslim dynamic. Then there was the war of assimilating in a whole new life/country WITHOUT anyone's support- no one in the family asked us about our young-adult lives which were laborious and confusing at best. Of course, there was my parents' loveless marriage. And becoming a teenager in America, but under an alcoholic Assyrian roof. We were children carrying the weight of, not the world, of two, sometimes three worlds. Maggie, Thanks for the candid glimpse into your "process". I agree with you that ultimate forgiveness happens quietly, almost without our intervention, through life, time, and experience. I continue to "work" on forgiving my past, my self, my family. And this only happens when I have participated in my life in the present, without rage, without blame, without having to assassinate anyone else's character. Not always successfully, naturally. Kris, I have to admit I don't think I have ever heard an Ozzie song in my life. I know. I know. I deserve a public flogging. Guilty as charged... Be well... Be you... Be... --------------------- |
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