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=> dancing in the gutter...

dancing in the gutter...
Posted by beezelbub (Guest) - Monday, October 17 2005, 15:45:46 (CEST)
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...I contend the worst sorts of people become Christian "activists" and "nationalists". They tend to be in it for themselves, using the "misery of our nation" as an excuse to whitewash their pettiness and self-serving "work"...which is primarily done to enhance their status...and no sooner do I say that than a bunch of them go and prove me right.

You pay a big price in personal integrity and wasted hours when you work "for this nation". You do so because the nature of the "work" attracts the lower end...not our really best and brightest. One or two individuals, well-motivated and with their heads on straight get swamped by the sea of mediocrity they are forced to swim through to get anywhere they THINK they are going to...the larger community seems to thrive on and almost exist for the purpose of breaking the heart and then the back of anyone who dares breathe fresh life into it...to buck this sysetm is to be run out of town fast...even though they'll all invite you to "join them" in the beginning...but that's only by way of getting at you all the better.

I had to overlook all sorts of crimes and misdemeanors in order to remain "within the community"...I had to swallow and look the other way when "leaders" tried to trash my work or make it something other than I knew it had to be...this included allowing Nimrod to block the Arts Council of Chicago from installing the Shumirum for three years...while I patiently bided my time...my career as a monument builder all but brought to its knees...then there was Golani taking three of my sculptures to Ford Motor Company, where he works, to be welded by their auto mechanics as he saw fit...and of course, the straw that broke this camel...when Jackie Bejan wanted to shag me and used my refusal as a way to "serve the Assyrian community" she so loves...by ruining San Jose as a location for the Shumirum and then making sure no one bought more sculpture from me and stopping the Hammurabi for Detroit...you can see by what I went through at her hands that people are indeed afraid of that rabid bitch of a half-breed Armenian.

If you work with these people you will have to give up more and more of your integrity...and in the end you'll never appease them for the more they get you to compromise, the more they like it, the more powerful they feel and the more they ask of you the next time. I finally had enough of accepting it "for the sake of the nation", or even "for the sake of the project"...all that results in the end is that the people who CAN'T do...take apart and ruin what you, who CAN do, initiated. They are out for their personal glory and being therefore petty because of that, they seek to take from you what they can in no way achieve for themselves. Failing in that their final gambit will be to make sure you break your neck so YOU won't succeed...which is their best way of maintaining their "superiority".

Now it will be Narsai's turn to see how much of him he allows them to mangle. In appreciation for all that he's been able to do by way of making his fundraising night a raging success...something we have never seen before in our community on such a scale...they should have said something like, "we are hurt by what farid said about us, but we are committed to do the best by our goals and the people we serve and YOU...so we'll overlook our hurt feelings for the sake of the task we all signed on to do". This is something I certainly expected from the "leadership"...that THEIR personal reaction to me or my work would not be their overiding concern but, rather, the job to be done would be. I found out the hard way that this isn't the case with these people..and if you take a good, dispassionate look at them, especially if you ignore the brochures they put out on THEMSELVES, you'd see early on that this must be so with such people.

I'm sure it came as a shock to Narsai that the Bored of AIDS would turn away thousands of dollars in donations when he works the phones all year long to bring in $500 here and a thousand there...what is going on? What is the REAL priority for the people Narsai is supposedly leading? For the first time he might come to realize that they are leading HIM...leading him right into their world with its shabby, vindictive and petty minded ways...I'm reminded that Narsai seemed to be defending them to me when he said that I DID indeed write some "crazy things". That's not Narsai...not the astute businessman I know who's served on so many charitable organizations, as member and head...who's lead campaigns to start theatres and food banks and all sorts of community services...the Narsai I know would NEVER cut his own nose off...would NEVER use his personal "hurt feelings" a basis for making the task at hand that much harder.

Narsai is at the same point I was at when I decided I would no longer excuse this sort of thing because we are, after all, "Assyrians" and should "support" one another. Support how? is it more important to support Jackie's twisted shorts and Wellfed's pantyhose or Aprims self-absorption or the PEOPLE of Iraq?

Did I make a monument to serve Nimrod or the people? Did I make all those sculptures and haul them all around the country to make Jackie happy and horny or show the people? Is the AIDS society set up to serve the needs of Iraqis or the needs of their Bored? Are they there to give harrassed housewives and nervous executives a :"cause"...to give them the opportunity to feelgoodaboutthemselves or to help Iraqis? And, finally, what do they REALLY want Narsai for? I mean REALLY? Because they aren't showing the respect for him that his work and his worth deserve...they have managed to make him petty as well...and in the end, once he agrees to go along, they will increase their demands and in order to "keep them" he'll find himself compromising more and more of the very principles that GOT him to where he is...and which made him a desirable commodity to them in the first place...and when he's come down low enough and travelled away enough from the very qualities that made him "Narsai"...they'll be done with him...won't value him any longer beacuse he'll have become "just like them"..and they LOATHE themselves...which is the reason they wanted someone so "different" in the first place...because Narsai will have given up bit by bit the very things which MADE him different to begin with...and this newest thing, plus the reaction to MarBawi and the disaffection of some supporters is just a beginning. If he goes along with it in order to "get along"..as I mistakenly did for the first few times...he'll not satisfy them, in the end...OR himself...eventually, after many more such sacrifices of what he knows and believes to be right...he'll walk away in disgust with a cumulative taste of dust and bitter herbs in his mouth.

No way would Narsai have run any of his businesses like a "democracy"...allowing halfwits who "work hard" to VOTE on any decision...Narsai is not a man to act by committee...except in this case. They want him for his success...and yet will now stand in the way of it and determine THEMSELVES how he should proceed...just as Golani, Nimrod and Bejan wanted to tell ME how I should do my work.

I predict this will be the beginning of Narsai's dis-infatuation and even tolerance for this style of "work". He didn't work all these years, outstrip his competitors to now be ruled over by the usual passle of engineers we seem to spout from every pore. As usual..these dweebs will undo themselves.



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