The Inside Assyria Discussion Forum #5

=> Revisiting ole' King Abgar

Revisiting ole' King Abgar
Posted by pancho (Moderator) - Monday, March 7 2011, 11:11:59 (UTC)
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...the Abgar myth is a fascinating window onto human nature, deception and psychological warfare, among other things. state the case: Supposedly a king named Abgar, of somewhere around Nineveh, at the time of Christ, was afflicted by some disease his own native God could not or would not cure. He suffered so much that he began to lose faith in his religion. He heard about Jesus, about his miracles and how he was being persecuted in Judea, so he wrote Jesus a letter, general delivery I suppose, offering him shelter and, incidentally, mentioning his affliction. Jesus wrote back that while he was too busy to come, the letter Abgar was now holding in his hands was so miraculous, all by itself, that upon reading it, he would be cured...and Lo, he was....and even lower, Abgar, out of sheer gratitude and relief, decided to make everybody Christian, even if they didn't have the Clap.

This myth, so beloved of our foolish darlings, is in reality nothing more than a gross slander against our noble Pagan religion, and people, such as they were.

And, lest we forget, if the story wishes to imply that Abgar and his people became the first Christians, then the story is wrong...for as we all know, at the time of Christ, there were no Christians and Jesus himself was a proud, if Abgar did anything, he turned Assyrians into Jews.

Never mind all the implausible stupidity in the story, or even the fact that Abgar made Jews of us....there is something far more profound among all the sillies and that is the blasting of the character of the people involved...the exposing of them as weak, greedy, narrow-minded and always on the look out for the best deal....pure oportunists willing to adopt any belief system, or God, which would confer a material benefit on them...after all, had Jesus NOT cured Abgar, nothing in the wisdom or philosophy or God of Jesus would have caused Abgar to change religions.

It was purely because of benefits received, actual, tangible, physical benefits, and nothing of the spirit, which caused Abgar's one sense the story sheds light on what became the central theme of Assyrian modern history: our willingness to change and change and change yet again, if there was some immediate benefit to be had...for this reason we also became Protestant, Catholic, Presbyterian, Anglican and Muslims as well....because we stood to gain something, here on earth...fuck the sky, no one really believes there's a heaven anyway.

To this end I'd like to quote from my favorite whipping boys, Gordon and Rendsberg where they discuss the response of the Jews, or any decent and sincere people, when faced with personal suffering on a large scale....speaking of the Jews they write:

"The fact that the people suffered, far from making them turn to another god or abandoning their own God, merely intensified their religion...."

In other words, Jews held firmly to their beliefs...after all, who in history has a better reason to throw over their own god than the Hebrews? But they didn't. No doubt, had Abgar been a Jew to begin with, he never would have gone shopping for a better, more efficacious, god. But he was merely a silly Asssrian..."and you know what cry-babies THEY are"....this is what the myth of Abgar's conversion really is one big insult hurled at us by Jews...and we LOVE it...we stroke it and take it to bed with at night, and we teach it to our children, teach them to adore an Assyrian who left his own religion for whichever one offered a better deal....something we have been doing ever since.

...and, also true to history, a people so low and so base and so narrow in their definition of "good" and even "religion" will become a laughingstock and an embarrassment, to themselves first of all....but to everyone else eventually.


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