Posted by Moderator from Hell, The only stinking genius, Al-Najjar (188.8.131.52) on January 17, 2002 at 23:47:34:
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in U.S. since last Christmas, our Management has decided to implement a Scheme to put workers of 20 years of age, on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE(Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme(special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be person maybe RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who haave been RAPED can only get AIDS(Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPes(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS for HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
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