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Posted by Jeff from ( on Monday, September 16, 2002 at 1:12PM :

Reposted from AINA (I didn't write this)

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Breaking news: War is bad

Posted By: The Great Sargpm (
Date: Monday, 16 September 2002, at 2:28 a.m.

In Response To: draw these parallels (Lilly)

Dear Lilly,

Thank you for making it clear that war is bad. It came as a shock to me, as I'd always thought people dying was a good thing. So we're all in agreement then. In order to prevent war, which is bad, Saddam should not be removed. Instead we can continue the current policies which have been working so well to prevent war, which is bad.

The US can continue:

* The almost daily bombing of Iraq from the sky. But this isn't "war" even if it's military jets dropping live bombs onto Iraq which is responding by using it's very real anti-aircraft weapons. We'll call it "routine agressive American-Iraqi political negotiations by non-verbal means".

The UN can continue:

* The economic sanctions, which were pushed as the "humane" way of dealing with countries, especially by anti-war types. I'm sure Iraq's people are very grateful such a "humane" policy was adopted for the past decade.

Iraq can continue:

* It's dictatorship, which everyone knows is the best form of government. It even starts with a "d", just like a democracy!

* Paying the families of suicide bombers in Israel. What a great guy Saddam is, he's got Iraqis dying all around him but he manages to raise enough money to help poor Palestinian families who think blowing up civilian Jews is a good idea.

* Building Presidential Palaces. But it's worth it though, because Saddam is a descendant of the great Mohammed and is thus special and should be honored appropriately. It's not like there's a better use for the large sums of money Iraq is using to build palaces, like feeding the hungry.

* Freedom of speech. The leaders are free to say whatever they like in the state controlled media. They're even allowed to say things which are racist, threatening, or completely untrue, now that's what I call freedom!

* Preventing parents from choosing the names of their children because they're not Arab. Don't worry that doesn't affect Assyrians, Kurds or Turkomen because they're all Arabs you know.

* Jailing children because of the political views of their parents. Regional stability is very important and again Saddam is doing his part to maintain the status quo. Who knows what those diaper bound kids are cooking up?

* Gassing Iraqi civilians. World overpopulation is a problem, and Saddam should be congratulated for his efforts to lower the world's population by killing innocent Iraqi men, women and children. In a stroke of brilliance he's also furthered mankind's scientific knowledge by killing the civilians using technologically advanced "chemical weapons".

And these are just some of the great policies being put forward to prevent war, which is bad. Some people say that these policies are worse than war, but they're wrong and I can prove it using LOGIC!

* War is bad.

* Therefore anything that isn't war is not bad.

* These policies are something that isn't war.

* Therefore these policies are not bad.

* Not bad is good.

* Therefore these policies are good!

You can't argue with logic! Take that all you inhuman animals who want to see democracy, freedom, human rights and economic change for the people of Iraq!

The Great Sargon

-- Jeff
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