Posted by pancho from pool0401.cvx25-bradley.dialup.earthlink.net (209.179.217.146) on Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 9:27PM :
In Reply to: Is it really that difficult? posted by andreas from p3EE3C6AA.dip.t-dialin.net (62.227.198.170) on Sunday, November 24, 2002 at 10:50AM :
Tiglath is no dummy. He hardy bothers to run at the mouth as you and I do. He asked you a simple question...and NOTHING drives you over the edge like a simple question.
I'm just as willing to jump down someone's throat...but not someone who shows as much probity and good sense as Tiglath does. If anyone deserves a good kick round the block it's you first...me next...and Tiglath not at all.
If I think he's mistaken it's because his desire to believe is stronger than his experience...yet. I defied all sorts of logic and warnings and examples to persist whole-heartedly and stubbornly in my chosen direction.
I'm glad I did...I knew full well the risks I ran...but that's how I learn at least...sort of like going undercover. I am not disillusiuoned or bitter or cynnical...I am better experienced now. So long as I bought them at their own estimation of themselves...fell for their line, I too was their dear darling. It's when you ask and challenge...really do it, such as even so you're willing to risk blowing apart your own cherished myths and beliefs...that's when you'll catch them off-guard because they NEVER expect you to do it...feel you're as venal and self-interested as they are...and they are RIGHT...to a point.
I DID keep my mouth shut and take all kinds of insults and put downs and abuses from these people...and so they were right in thinking I too wanted something. Where they made their critical mistake was in thinking what I wanted most was to service my own ego...see my dreams come true because they were MY DREAMS...MY CONTRIBUTION.
But from the get go there was no profit in these projects for me...as hard as that is for people to understand. I really DID want to benefit the Heritage...I really DID want to speak to those little girls...to see the look in the eyes of people...to make a difference. But since it cost thousands of dollars to make these visions come true...and since we are a people who measure things by how much money we can show around...they assumed there was money in it for me and THAT's why I took it and put up with it.
That was their mistake. If I was anything like them I indeed would have kept quiet and remained their darling. I was already in a position to keep "profiting", already "into" them...that's what made Jackie so sure of herself that she behaved the way she did with me...certain sure that thousands of dollars in sales had effectively bought my loyalty, same reason she turned on Jeff the way she did...she lavished all sorts of yucky goo on him and he STILL 'betrayed" her????...now they know better...and they hate it even more.
Andreas....you'll notice that we aren't so stupid as to go try to enlighten Krauts...why you bother with us is beyond me...but it sure as hell does you credit...we don't gain much by it. So...in order to salvage what doesn't exist anyway...why not at least try to prove that you are human by answering the question THEN going Bergen Belsen on us?
-- pancho
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