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=> what "parhad" means in Kuwait...

what "parhad" means in Kuwait...
Posted by Sadie (Guest) - Friday, November 14 2003, 15:43:54 (EST)
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I hear "parhad" means "homosexual." Seems like your father might have made an impression in Kuwait. In any case, you're MENTAL.

"Homosexuality commonly found (in Iraq it is called Al-Issal and in Kuwait it is called Parhad..."

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http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/forum6.htm
Some Interesting Child Rearing
Practices In The Arab World
Sander J. Breiner, M.D.

Introduction

The pattern of child abuse has a long and painful history. There is evidence of this from the earliest recorded history of man (Breiner, 1985). Unfortunately it continues today rather extensively in certain societies, particularly in the Arab world (UNICEF, 1991). There is an exceptionally high mortality for little girls, and other evidence of severe child abuse in that society (UNICEF, 1990) (WHO, 1987). Particular attention will be paid to some of their child rearing practices, as well as qualities of that society related to their family life and the way they respond to women.

In examining this material you will observe that the activity and procedure (particularly regarding circumcision of males and females) is a cultural rather than a religious (Koranic) expression. This is an exploration of some sociologic-culture responses and their psychological ramifications. Religion is not the issue here, but the psychosocial structure of the various Arab societies.

The Arab Personality

While there is no specific item called the Arab "personality", there are certain characteristics that stand out. The Arab/Moslem world extends from Morocco to Mauritania in the West and around the globe to Indonesia in the East, and has a population of about 860 million, the Arabs constitute only about 20% of that number. In the Middle East itself there are about 23 different cultural segments, each with it's distinct traditional and cultural elements.

Although there is a variance in religious orientation, much of it is a Moslem orientation with some general similar qualities. Although they are different from each other they seem to accept in their general attitude a feeling about themselves that there is an Arab personality. The term they use about themselves is shaksiyya (Patai, 1983).

In their minds words often serve as a substitute for actual behavior and the word can achieve such importance that it is not questioned as to whether the deed is ever carried out or not. The word becomes a deed.

All non-business agreements are only temporary. They are not required nor expected to be permanent.

The Arab theoretically has an ideal view of the world in which all Arabs are brothers, children of one single nation, Gawn. This is a traditional Arab view in which the world is divided into two parts: An inner part called Dar-al-Isalam or House of Islam; an outer world constituting Dar-al-Harb or House of War (Early, 1988) (Gorkin et al., 1985) (Lane, 1963) (Patai, 1983) (Patai, 1969).

The Arabs, in the past at least, have felt very proud and less willing to subordinate themselves to each other (to have one entire state) unless some religious doctrine is invoked and a powerful leader can utilize that technique. Their historians see them as being rude, proud, ambitious and each eager to be the leader and none the follower.1,2

A very frequently quoted proverb is "My cousins and I against the world, my brothers against my cousins, and I against my brothers."

Arabs are basically a tribal society, a structure based on binding relationships among family members and within the community. One result of this is that children do not make a real break with the parents when they grow up. The strength of the various tribal connections will vary according to the country, class and family exposure to Western culture which sometimes can break some of these traditions and customs.

Arabs have a sense of cultural, historical and individual pride, which may account for their boastfulness, impatience with learning and difficulty in admitting mistakes. One basic philosophy of the Islamic religion is the belief that this world and its material belongings are not worthwhile. Arabs live for the present and their greatest concern is to get the most out of it. Plans are not necessary since the future is either preordained or uncertain. There is a deep rooted belief in fate or "Kadr", and Arabs are expected to accept the outcome with grace.

They are emotionally expressive people. Both men and women show their tears, anger and affection easily. Kissing and hugging as a way of greeting are common both between men and between women, but are completely unacceptable between a man and a woman.

The family is the most significant element of Arab culture and society. An individual's total life is dominated by the family and family relationships. People rely on the family connections for influence, power, position and security. In villages and between tribes, the maintenance of this pattern is crucial for survival.

The traditional Arab family is patriarchal in which the father is the undisputed head of the family. Sons and their wives may live within the fathers household or compound as an extended family consisting of a couple with their unmarried children plus the married sons with their wives and children. Many extended families continue to remain closely tied and frequently there are marriages between cousins which serves to strengthen these ties.

The father holds authority over his wife, children and grandchildren. No one dares to question his decisions openly. Authority in the extended family is almost always invested in the oldest man, who is head of the household. This man may discipline his younger brothers and sisters, as well as his nieces and nephews. A wife's relationship to her husband is one of submission. He expects his wife to take care of the home and children and her actions at home and in public must help his and the family's status in every way.

The father is the only legal guardian of these children, with more freedom allowed to sons than to daughters. When the father dies the sons in the family move into separate households with the eldest inheriting the authority and accepting the responsibilities of looking after his mother and any unmarried brothers and sisters.

Women must obtain the blessing of their fathers in order to marry. Thus, all marriages are truly arranged with premarital sex forbidden, and very few meetings occurring between the man and the woman until they are officially married and always with supervision. The woman obtains status when she gets married, and essentially has no status until she is married. Her status will increase if she has a child, especially if it is a boy.

A Moslem may marry a non-Moslem woman, but a Moslem woman cannot marry a non-Moslem man unless he converts to Islam because children inherit their father's religion. Also, men can divorce their wives but the reverse is essentially not true. A woman once divorced carries a special stigma and she loses face in her society and with her family.

In Prothro's (Prothro, 1961) study of child rearing in Lebanon he showed that Labanese children who did best on the Draw-A-Man Test were those children of parents who would achieve the most in the adult sphere (usually the most westernized). The Gregorian Armenian and the Orthodox Christian Arab mothers said they systematically rewarded good behavior of their children. The majority of the Sunni Moslem mothers said they did not do so and depended more on threats. Non-Moslems, Arabs or non Arabs entering into the Arab/Moslem world in Lebanon quickly rose to the top of that society.

In looking at the Arab language certain inconsistencies can be found in the noun system. The Arab takes great pride in his language and particularly the sounds of it rather then the syllogistic logic of it. For example, past and present verb tense distortion is quite common.

The Arab language has been referred to as a flawed mirror in which the Arabs may see themselves. They love the mellifluous sounds of their language and care a great deal for the poetic and musical quality of it rather then the validity of past or present tense and the logic involved. There is a great love of the heroic gesture rather then seeing the necessity of any relationship between cause and effect. They also see the world in terms which are magical and sometimes quite simplistic. The either/or, black or white conception is not uncommon. They also see a relationship between language and manhood. Mainly, that strong rhetoric means a strong man. An Arab male will feel more masculine and be seen by his compatriots as being more masculine the more eloquent he is and the more he can exaggerate.

An expression of the exaggeration referred to is an emphatic insertion known as tawkid. It is a way of communicating with exaggeration, or overemphasis. It is a strong social statement about an issue which can have political and even legal ramifications. In fact, it is so much expected, this tawkid over-exaggeration, that the individual will be misunderstood if he does not use it.

Some of this is also seen in how they talk to their children. A typical child rearing practice is to verbally threaten the child in which mothers will threaten children in the most extreme fashion, but not carry it out. Among the Sunni Moslems in Baalbek city in the Beqaa valley, 88% of the mothers in one study said they used threats that they would not carry out. Among the Christian Arabs there was only 28% or less who noted that they would use verbal threats that they would not carry out (Prothro, 1961).

In childhood and then as they get older in their adult relationship there is an attempt to intimidate their adversary by threatening him with words. There is also an Arab tendency to announce an incipient action as if it were all ready an accomplished fact. This is not so difficult to do in the Arabic language because they tend to mix up their tenses, past and present. Thus, an intention of doing something which is the first step of doing it can literally serve them as a substitute for actually achieving or accomplishing that task (Patai, 1983) (Patai, 1969). The verbal utterance in a statement or a threat of an intention (especially when it is done repeatedly and exaggerated), can achieve such importance that the question of whether or not it is subsequently carried out loses its significance or urgency. This linguistically and sociologically conditioned substitution of words for action is culture wide and helps develop a situation in which words and action are confused. This reaches into all realms of the individual psychological development and ego organization.

They don't perceive any discrepancy between an appointment time and the actual meeting time. They may say they will be there at 9 a.m. tomorrow and not show up for a day or two or may show up at one in the afternoon. They do not consider this late, nor do they think of this as an expression of any inattentiveness or inconsideration.

This fluidity between past and present is also found in the Koran. Patai (Patai, 1983) (Patai, 1969) notes the following: "Mary, the mother of Jesus, lived some six centuries before Mohammed. The Arabic form of her name is Maryam. Miriam the sister of Moses, lived some thirteen centuries before Mary. The Arabic form of her name is also Maryam. The two women are represented in the Koran as one and the same person.

The Bedouins make up only about 10% of the population of the Arab world, but most Arabs claim a Bedouin origin. The Bedouin's ethos is idealized as a model up to which the non-Bedouin Arabs would like to measure. So significant is this attitude that many of the intellectuals in the upper middle class families of Damascus, as well as other Arab cities have for many generations past and to the present sent their sons for a year or two to live with one of these "noble," camel breeding tribes. This is so they would learn the ethos, manners and values of the Bedouin which they consider the pure Arabic value.

The Bedouin ethos is basically that of a patriarchy with reverence for: 1) the eldest male, 2) the importance of courage, with vendettas being an important element in that concept of courage, and 3) the primary significance of honor for a man's self worth. The Bedouin patriarchal society with its strong kin orientation is a social unit of wandering groups of extended families. They have a relative isolation and xenophobia. They create and accept an extensive endogamy (in-group marriage). There is an enormous pressure to conform with great group cohesion and allegiance to the kin group.

Bravery (hamasa) to defend the group no matter what the personal risk is considered the highest value. Bravery, aggressiveness, and manliness maintains the group's respect. To fail in defending one's pride (via revenge), from an insult or challenge is to lose one's essential manliness. If someone seeks to revenge a murder and they cannot find the murderer, any member of the murderer's clan or group can be a legitimate target for this blood revenge. There is an often quoted Arab proverbł "blood demands blood." Within the traditional Bedouin society to avoid the blood revenge during the ubiquitous raiding of another's flock for territory (in order to prove one's bravery) it is needed to be accomplished without shedding the blood of the enemy. This is an act of courage and cunning, which is held in the highest regard. Thus, there was a constant state of warfare in various levels in this Bedouin culture. If blood was shed, one of these other "noble" tribes would have to act as a peacemaker (intermediary).

The Bedouin temper has been described by Patai (Patai, 1983), as well as others as having sudden flare-ups which can lead to violence even murder with periods of remorse and then tranquility almost to the point of apathy. Along with this fluctuation of excited episodes to episodes which are apathetic, there is also a description by George Antonius in his book, Arabic Awakening, of approaching projects with excessive stops and starts, isolated spasms rather than any continuous sustained effort.

The important Bedouin element of courage has other facets as well. Men must possess a willingness to not only risk one's life, but also endure a great deal of pain in order to establish that they have courage or bravery. This can mean proving one can stand physical pain with no sound or facial expression, somewhat like the Spartan rituals of ancient Greece. Among the Arabs of the Sudan, there are a number of activities that are played by adolescent boys. These games will contain lashings or arms burned or cut with a knife.

Among the Rwala Bedouin a form of punishment is for the teenage boys to be cut by their father with a sabre or to be stabbed by him with a dagger. It is believed that this not only punishes the boy, but hardens him for the future difficult life.

Generally speaking the Arab world makes more frequent use of harsher forms of corporal punishment with their children than is found in the West. Fathers are seen as severe, stem and frightening to their children. While the children respect their fathers, they fear them and tend to have more affection and attachment to their depreciated mothers. However, the mothers tend to approve of the harsh punishing of their children, particularly the boys, and they think it much more acceptable for the fathers to be severe than to not be severe. Those fathers who are harsh to their children in punishment also tend to be severe and harsh in hitting their wives.

Honor which has been mentioned in the preceding discussion is a vital part of the Bedouin ethos not only for establishing a man's courage by his ability to tolerate pain, but also it is importantly connected with his sexual ability, his virility. He gains honor when he has more children, especially sons. So significant is this that if a wife claims her husband is impotent (the only count for her to get a divorce from him) he would have to prove that he is not impotent by having intercourse in public in front of witnesses, otherwise he has lost all his honor.

Honor is a collective property of the family. If one person is dishonored the entire family is dishonored. While honor generally derives from male acts and attributes, women as well as men can be a source of dishonor. The proper sexual behavior of the women, especially their obsessively guarded chastity, is a significant element in the family honor along with the males' sexual virility. Here the female is valued by her lack of action as opposed to the many avenues the male has to actively increase his honor and community value.

The traditional Bedouin ethic reflects preIslamic ideals of the wandering nomadic Arab tribes. Any threat to their honor is felt to be so intensely overwhelming that it must be dealt with even unto their death. In other words, a threat to their authority, bravery or honor must be treated as a life-threatening consideration.

This form of respect depends on whether others respect the individual, not his own feeling of self respect. He must constantly work at impressing others and try to gauge how others are perceiving and responding to him. Underlying motives, feelings and attitudes are not as important as long as the outward appearance conforms to expectations.

In the modern Arab world, self respect is a matter of always saving face (wajh). To save face might require lying. In that case lying is honorable. Shame is more significant than actual guilt. In the whole training of the child, shame is an extensive child rearing technique. Fear of shame may demand that he lie. The adult Arab may then follow this pattern and conform outwardly.

There is a great tendency in the Arab world to blame others for one's own shortcomings. To take responsibility for one's own mistakes or defects would be to bring shame upon one's self and damages one's self esteem and thereby his group's honor.

Arab mothers are very restrictive compared to other cultures and are less permissive of aggression towards parents. They tend to be more severe than in the West in their toilet training and their use of corporal punishment. Respect for authority and acceptance of one's role in the group's hierarchy creates tolerance for these practices. It is related as well to the fatalism conveyed in the Koran. It is as if each man should go through life as if it is controlled by being written in God's book to the smallest detail and that nothing can change it. It does not pay for him to even try do anything to improve his life. The oft made statement, "it is Allah's will" states this position clearly.

Along with his fatalism, black and white attitudes, the continual contest between shame and honor, and with the fatalistic will of Allah concept there is at times a passivity in facing life and the avoidance of effort alternating with an exuberance and aggressiveness.

Yet, in spite of this element of predestination, fate, kismet, there is also a persistent tradition of belief in magic which can change things in the world. This is universal and is pre-Koranic. Though magic is quite the antithesis of what is in the Koran there is a widespread belief in magic, in the evil eye, or a powerful Jinn. There are numerous culturally imbedded rituals and activities to try to win favor of the magical power or to avoid the evil eye.

Thus, sociologically we can see a great inclination to extremes, passivity and aggressiveness in the Arabic culture/society. The Bedouin ideal expects enormous swings of emotion in which an individual may go from complete passive and obedient status to a sudden extreme aggression with raging passions. This is even more so for the women in the environment. They are expected on one hand to be passive, yet at certain times when they can invoke some magical fantasy they may explode in some powerful raging reaction. One writer looking at the Fellahin of upper Egypt refers to them as being like "a volcano that will erupt when least expected." (Lane, 1963).

It is not surprising that in the Arab world no loss of face or self esteem or disapproval follows a loss of self control and an outburst of temper, as would be the case in the West. Quite the opposite is true. The Arab world tend to view this as an individual to be respected. Quarreling in the family is an every day occurrence. There is an old Syrian/ Lebanese proverb, "at each meal a quarrel, with each bite a worry."

Three features standout in describing the image of the Arab; 1) endemic extremes and swings of emotions, 2) the apparent acceptance of volatile expressions of aggression, and 3) discrepancy between a subjective and objective estimation of a given problem.

Patai (Patai, 1983) (Patai, 1969) has said --- at every level discord has always been present, either actually or potentially. At the slightest provocation, the fighting propensity surfaces, a quarrel ensues, and easily degenerates into physical violence. As long as what can be called an oral phase of a conflict lasts, there is always hope that the aroused passions will exhaust themselves in words and the swords remain in their hilts (scabbards). The more vehement the abuse, the greater the likelihood it will provide sufficient satisfaction and will not be followed up by physical violence. Once a second phase, that of physical fighting starts, different and even older psychological mechanisms come into play, making it practically impossible for either side to stop fighting, until almost totally and hopelessly defeated or unless mediation can bring about a settlement of dispute."

There is extensive sibling rivalry, which is instilled by mothers in their children. Frequently the mothers will pit one sibling against the other. In some parts of the Arab world the sibling rivalry is considered so essential that it is purposely provoked as an actual training procedure.

The Swiss Arabist,,Hans Tutsch says that the personalization of the problems (as noted previously) go so far in the Arab countries that "even material, technical difficulties accompanying the adoption of Western civilization are considered as resulting from human malevolence and felt to be a humiliation. - - - where the Arab confronts an obstacle, he imagines that an enemy is hidden. Proud peoples with a weak ego structure tend to interpret difficulties on their life path as personal humiliations and get entangled in endless law suits or throw themselves into the arms of extremist political movements. A defeated election, a risk that every politician must face in a democracy, appears to be such a humiliation that an Arab can thereby be induced without further ceremony to take up arms against the victor in legal government, or to ally himself with those who promise him success next time."

As the traditional Arab Moslem looks at the lowered state of the Arab Moslem world today compared to the West, the cultural forces previously outlined mold and limit the explanations he has available to himself to explain these things. God cannot be questioned. Blame therefore must be placed upon the individual. That, however, is so painful and threatening a prospect that it is handled by projection. The result is that all individuals' ills are blamed on the West and any who are seen as agents of Westernization (Early, 1988).

Genital Manipulation

In the Arab world there is currently extensive female genital mutilation (Parhad, 1965); which is subdivided into various types (McLean, 1985). 1) "circumcision", which is cutting the prepuce or hood of the clitoris, "sunna". 2) "excision, cutting off the clitoris and all or parts of the labia minora. 3) "infibulation", (pharonic circumcision) cutting off the clitoris, the labia minora and at least the anterior two thirds and often the whole of the medical part of the labia majora. The sides of the vulva are then pinned together by sutures or in primitive areas with thorns. This obliterates the vaginal introitus except for a very small opening which is preserved by insertion of a tiny piece of wood or reed which allows passage of urine or menstrual blood. The girls legs are then bound together from hip to ankle and she is immobile for up to 40 days. Usually, the operation is performed by an old woman "daya in Egypt and Sudan". Barbers also carry out the task, but usually it is done by a woman, rarely by the mother. In Egypt, to avoid complications they could use doctors in a hospital, except now pharonic circumcision is illegal and once again it is done at home. Infection is not uncommon. In Egypt in uneducated families 97% have clitoridectomies of their daughters, and in the educated families 66% have that procedure for their daughters (Hosken, 1980).

The average age range for these procedures is from one month to puberty, although it is usually around seven years of age. Anesthetics are never used. The child is held down by a woman who lies underneath her and pins her arms and legs with her own, and several village women assist. Herb mixtures, earth, ashes and dung are rubbed into the wound.

During the wedding night, the husband, after having beaten his wife with a leather whip (Somalia) will use a dagger to open her previously sealed introitus. The husband is supposed to have prolonged repeated intercourse with his wife during the following eight days. This is to prevent scarring from closing it again. During these eight days, the woman must lie down and move as little as possible. To demonstrate the virginity of his wife, the husband puts his bloody dagger on his shoulder and will make village rounds in order to obtain general approval (Crapanzano, 1987) (Hayes, 1975) (McLean, 1985) (Patai, 1983, 1969) (WHO, 1986).

This mistreatment of females contributes significantly to this cultural-geographic area having one of the highest child mortality rates in the world (VanGennep, 1960); more then 30% for children one to four years of age. There are approximately 80 million women worldwide today who are so mutilated (Hosken, 1982) (WHO, 1979) (WHO, 1989).

In much of the Arab world, not only is the female in general depreciated but particularly her genital area is considered dirty and unacceptable. For example, in Egypt the uncircumcised girl is called nigsa (unclean), and her bodily hairs are removed in order to obtain a smooth and therefore clean body (Assaad, 1979) (McLean, 1985) (Racy, 1977). In many parts of the Arab world there is a ritual in the week prior to marriage of removing all of the body hair (especially the pubic area) except that of the head. The Arab woman is very careful never to permit this hair to regrow (Hosken, 1982).

Another practice that is significant in the formation and expression of the female's value occurs during the period following the delivery of the infant and the placenta. The vagina is packed with rock salt. This remains in the vagina for two days which produces an erosion very often in the vaginal lining with a resultant scarring and narrowing of the vagina. The belief is that this will restore the vagina to its previous virginal state. Often surgery is needed so that normal intercourse can be resumed (Bickers, 1977). A much more serious complication is obstructed labor in the next delivery with rupture and birth via the bladder or rectum. Quite often the child dies in the processes as well as killing the mother. (Assaad, 1979) (Badaui, 1953).4,5

The maternal death rate in the Arab world varies from 20 to 1000 deaths per 100,000 live births. In Israel it is 5 per 100,000 live births.6 It is not just the economic factors that cause this terrible statistic. In Turkey, an advanced culture compared to their Arab neighbors, 51% of maternal deaths were judged to be avoidable in their existing health care system.7,8,9

The vaginal introitus which has been damaged requires a more complicated and extensive episiotomy. Doctors are not usually available and the husband has to perform the episiotomy. For this he permits the finger nail of his right forefinger to grow quite long. He then uses the special finger nail to incise and open this closed vaginal introitus. The result is many vesicle-vaginal and rectal-vaginal fistulas.10

A female problem of another sort is an obstructed labor due to a deformed pelvis resulting from childhood rickets. Babies are commonly wrapped in swaddling clothes as soon as they are born and get no sunshine for months, resulting in rickets. The baby boys may be less exposed to sunlight being "more protected" then little girls. The little girls when they grow up to be women have many more problems with rickets because of the requirements of pelvic shifting during pregnancy.

In addition, there is marasmus. This is due to inadequate feeding between six to twenty-four months of age. Children are expected to survive on artificial milk that is diluted and often polluted. Much of this is based on a fear of the evil eye, so they keep children inside away from the danger. The first two years of a child's life they will have a weak and marasmus quality. Those who survive this at about three years of age are able to participate outside and then their growth will rapidly improve. Another factor contributing to this is the very poor health of most of the mothers. Thus, the combination of swaddling, poor nutrition, poor nutrition of the mother and restriction from exposure to the sun produces injury to male and female children (WHO, 1987, 1979, 1989). There is EFM (Excess Female Mortality), almost double that of males, in the three categories - infants, toddlers and children under 5.11

Because of a prolonged labor the young mother who has been circumcised and otherwise mutilated can be permanently crippled. The pressure of the head in the vagina unable to come out of the damaged introitus can cause a pressure necrosis of bladder and/or rectum. Just a few days after delivery there can be dead tissue leaving an opening between the bladder and the vagina, and/or between the rectum and the vagina. The result is urine and/or feces coming out the vaginal orifice. These women will live with this condition with no possibility of being resolved because they are not taken to doctors for surgical repair.12

Connected with the attack on females in general (on their genitals in particular), is the commonly held fantasy that women of all ages are filled with intense sexual feelings and are lustful and cannot control themselves. Therefore, it is believed that if a man is alone with a woman, and particularly if she is not a member of his clan, it is assumed that she has had intercourse with him and it has not been a rape. Even if it can be proved a rape, it is the woman who is dishonored and not the man. The only way the man is dishonored is if she is the kind of woman with whom he should not have had intercourse, that is a member of his immediate family, incest (Assaad, 1979) (Underwood, 1987).

When asking an Arab man how many children he has he will traditionally answer only in terms of the number of male children. The census taker would have to specifically ask in addition how many daughters to find out how many children he actually has. This distinction indicates a cultural attitude about what is a child (male) and the unacceptable non-child (female). This division continues through the child's life and adult experience. Further it should be noted that they will dress their small male babies for the first two years of their life as little girls to foot the evil eye that they have a worthless female rather than a valuable male. Thus, the evil eye and the Jinn will not damage or hurt the child.

All parents desire to have sons: both wife and husband will pray for a boy when she is pregnant. If a girl is born the mother is ashamed and the father will become angry. In past times he would even have to decide whether he would let the child live or die, sometimes even burying the female child alive in the sand. Female infanticide continues into the present in disguised or indirect form. For example, inadequate feeding of girl babies or other forms of subtle, less attentive care.

When a baby girl is born she starts out at a marked disadvantage. She will be weaned prematurely, exposed to the elements more, and fed poorly compared to a baby boy. If she survives, she will be given burdensome chores at an early age while her brothers are still playing. The death rate for girls in this society is significantly higher than for boys, which is the opposite (in the first 5 years) of what occurs in the West (UNICEF, 1990) (WHO, 1987, 1979).

So significant is the rejection of the newborn female that a woman who has only daughters will be rejected as if childless, with the bona fide threat of a divorce. Thus, mothers will take much better care of their boys. A boy will be suckled until three years of age, while a girl, for only one to two years or less. With weaning the girl is suddenly taken from the mother and given to others to be taken care of because the mother will usually be trying to have another child, a boy.13

Little girls are not as carefully treated as little boys; at around six or seven they are put to work usually in the household, taking care of younger children, housework, etc. Little boys continue to be indulged (Patai, 1969). Babies are usually swaddled for nine months. When a child can begin to walk, talk and assert themselves the usual training is coercive and restrictive. If children are obedient, compliant and silent they are rewarded. If they are active, they are discouraged, if not directly punished. Autonomy is strongly discouraged. During the three-to-five year old period when there is a greater curiosity and intrusive aggressive play, the adults inhibit and discourage this by beating, shaming, threatening castration, and burning tales about "Jinn" (Ozbek, Volkan, 1976).

Though the Koran does not specify circumcision (male or female) most Arabs consider it to be based on Koranic authority (Patai, 1983). The procedure for the male is performed at varying intervals; from two to seven years of age, and even up to the period of betrothal (Patai, 1983). Commonly the circumcision, without anesthesia, is done between the ages of four and eight. Often girls will watch the circumcision of the male (Ozturk, 1973).

Patai (1983, 1969) sees male circumcisions as different from the female circumcision, which is veiled in secrecy and quite hidden from society, except for those women who participate in the activity. The male circumcision is treated as a public and festive occasion. There is a large party, sacrifice of a sheep or goat, and quite often there are musicians and a prostitute, with a great deal of singing, dancing and sexual activity.

Canseder (1965) noted that this circumcision was perceived as a dangerous attack in which the boy felt inadequate, helpless and terribly threatened. Ozturk (1973) saw it as not only being threatening, but also necessary for their becoming an adult male in that society. Without it he felt there would be an ambiguity in terms of the boy's sexual identity.

The party that takes place at the time of the male circumcision can be so expensive to the family that they quite often wait until they have collected enough money and then do the circumcision of all the boys at that time (who could range in age from a few months old to close to puberty).

There is a close relationship between male circumcision and sexual maturity. In some places it is done at puberty. Often a boy who is about to be circumcised is referred to as a khtana, which comes from the Semitic root for bridegroom, hatan, and marriage, hatanah. In some cultures the circumcision is more than just removal of the foreskin, it may involve the removal of the skin of the entire penis and surrounding section of the belly and inner thighs. At this point the boy is supposed to shout with joy and pleasure and show a dagger and his "power". His betrothed is sitting in front of him swaying in time to the music that she beats out on a drum. If he cries out in pain he is considered to be showing that he is not a man and his betrothed has a right to refuse him. In the Eastern desert of Egypt the circumcision is called "irs", which literally means the wedding, and is performed just prior to an actual wedding except that the circumcision would not be of the groom, but a boy of the betrothed family (Lane, 1963) (Ozturk, 1973) (Parhad, 1965).

As stated earlier cleansing seems to be a significant element in this culture. The depilation of girls and the desexualizing of them is considered vital in the cleaning up of something dirty. The male circumcision is also considered to be a cleansing similar to what takes place in the female. In the Moroccan Arabic dialect it is thara, which means a cleansing (Caplan, 1980) (Lane, 1963) (Pakrasi, 1970) (Patai, 1983). It is obvious in all of this material that the Arab culture considers females more unclean by far then males. What adds to the difficulty in treating the male penis that has been circumcised is that they will place various items on that bleeding penis that causes secondary difficulty, not only henna but also dung which can result in infections and secondary problems from infection of the penis.

In one circumcision procedure the child is swaddled as if he is an infant even though he isn't and placed upon the mother's naked back, pressing the bleeding penis against her back. He is then put to bed and treated as a small child with all kinds of sweets and goodies brought to him by the women. The father stays away from him during the entire procedure and will not see him again until after he wakes up or he is healed (Cediroglu, 1973).

Those who are able to recall the procedure remember their fear that their penis had actually been cut off and were not able to see their penis until the bandages were removed some days later and were reassured that their penis was still there (Cediroglu, 1973). The Moroccans say that circumcision should take place early but not too early, so that the child will not forget the experience.

For those Arabs who live in the desert region, it was frequent for males to get sand lodged in their foreskins before they were circumcised: and it was usually the mother's responsibility to clean it out. Quite often this is "forgotten" by the men when they become adults.

Though there is extensive circumcision in the Arab world, there is also a very high rate of carcinoma of the penis. Carcinoma of the penis does not take place among Jews. They are the only other ethnic group with universal circumcision. The difference seems to be that for the Jews the circumcision takes place in the first eight days of life and is done under relatively clean if not sterile conditions. The dirt, dung and henna being rubbed in the penis of the Arab male and the years of irritation by the sand and other material (smegma) is probably the cause of the higher rate of carcinoma of the penis among the Arabs. In fact, there is a higher rate of carcinoma of the penis among circumcised Arab males than carcinoma of the penis among uncircumcised non-Arab males (Bissad, et al. 1986) (Koriech, 1987).

Though circumcision for the male is a painful experience, its discomfort tends to be denied by all participants. However, in exploration of the psychological response of the males to this experience it is found that invariably the males were terribly frightened. Of the thirty children evaluated in one particular study, nineteen showed serious behavior problems within one month after the circumcision. Among the symptoms were inappropriate aggressive behavior, ticks, exhibitionism, obsessive compulsive reactions and stuttering. In the Draw-A-Figure Test there were distortions in the figures, body size and gender. Fear of authority figures was greatly increased and ambivalence was much more marked.

Those boys who were circumcised were asked, (after they recovered) if they had not been circumcised how would they feel. They said they would have felt defective and ashamed. The older boys said, "I would be crippled or defective. No girl would marry me. No family would give me their daughter. I would be a coward. I couldn't get out of the house." They also became hostile to those who were not circumcised. They were "alien, a man with a foreskin was a coward; a woman a weakling." There is marked ambivalence, terror, fear of castration, pain, and the feeling of not being acceptable without having been circumcised (Ozturk, 1973). At this point there is a shift evident in the expression of fear of father (castrator) to other people, particularly to females in general and all those who are not circumcised. Particularly is this focused on women.

Another significant point about sexuality is the negative response to masturbation. There is such a strong negative response to it that in certain areas of rural Morocco, for example, it is generally so scorned by fathers that they favor bestiality. They will even arrange for their sons to have intercourse with a female donkey in preference to masturbation (Traub-Werner, 1986).

There is extensive hostility, anger, and fear between father and son and between brothers as well as extensive evidence of widespread homosexuality in the male population. The older boys take the aggressive part against the younger boys who are forced into a passive role. However, it is considered unacceptable for someone to want to take the passive (female) role. The response to male genitals is paradoxical. When a male child cries, he is picked up and soothed, often with gentle fondling of the genitals by the women who are caring for him. The mother and grandmother, as well as other female relatives and older siblings will play with the penis of the boy, not only because he is crying but just to make him smile. In Egypt the mother may attempt to prepare her son gradually for the circumcision operation by "caressing his organ and playfully endeavoring to separate the foreskin from the glans. While doing this she would hum words to the effect that what she is doing will help to make him become a man amongst men." This will go on until the time of circumcision which may well be much later in the boy's life. Therefore, he may have many real memories of his mother caressing and fondling his penis for many reasons for many years, not only to caress it but also the clearing of the sand and other debris from under the foreskin (Patai, 1983, 1969).

The family in general, including the parents, will masturbate the infant boy to "increase its size and strengthen it." This can go on for hours (Edwardes, Masters, 1963). In boyhood there is mutual masturbation, fellatio, and anal intercourse. Pederasty by older males is common - "- the mere sight of pretty boys is regarded - as disturbing and terribly tempting" (Bouhidiba, 1985). From ages 7 to 14 the son will often attend nude public baths (hammam) with his mother and sisters. So sexual are the hammam that the term "hammam" now stands for the sexual act itself (Bouhidiba, 1985).

Little girls are taught to stay in a very protected, segregated environment. They often become child brides before puberty (Omran, Standley, 1976, 1981). The boy is taught three things about sex: 1) that it is sinful, 2) that it is exciting and pleasurable, and 3) that it is also important for him to perform well sexually. Sex is a taboo subject, though it is central in the thinking and the general conversation in the male Arab world.

In this world one of the most dishonorable experiences for a man is the sexual impropriety of a female member of his family by his daughter or sister. The infidelity of his wife does not bring dishonor to him, only to his wife. He can restore honor to himself by punishing the guilty woman; this means usually putting her to death. A man's honor is called "sharaf', while a woman's is called "ird". A man's sharaf can be restored, but once a woman's ird is lost it cannot be restored. Therefore, she must be killed or at least driven out of the home. A small sexual offense on her part can cause her entire ird to be lost. Her paternal family, then has responsibility for killing her if she has lost her ird, while the wronged husband will seek out the seducer and kill him or a member of his family. Sometimes there is such a fear that a wife, daughter, or sister might lose her ird and bring dishonor upon the family that they will put her to death to protect themselves (Patai, 1983, 1969) (Racy, 1980). Yet, 4 out of 5 middle eastern Arab women recall being forced to perform fellatio between ages 3 to 6, by older male relatives (Edwards, Masters, 1963).

In the Islamic movement in the Galilee in Israel led by Sheikh Kamal he has stated in the publication, A-Sirat, (as well as in his sermons) that the community must fight against some young Arab women students at Haifa University who are protesting against the tradition of Arab men killing womenfolk suspected of sexual improprieties and thus "bringing shame" on their families. It is claimed that there are 40 such murders a year in the Galilee. These women students who are fighting this "tradition" of female murder are called "whores" determined to introduce the loose sex morality of the Jews into Arab society.14

Not only is there more inadequate caring for little girls than little boys, but also more purposeful injury to little girls than to little boys. For example, injection of kerosene, and burns are not uncommon; the injection of medicines to the point of poisoning and death is not uncommon. There are also more hospital admissions for girls for malnutrition such as an infant at three months of age weighing only 1.9 kg. (4.2 lbs.). There is a preference to treat little girls at home with local treatments such as cautery. Female babies as well as older female children are admitted to the emergency room and clinics covered with scars from this "branding" technique. The child's death, or illness, is often attributed to the will of Allah (Cediroglu, 1973) (Prothro, 196 1) (Saadawi, 1982).

Among girls there is also a higher rate of congenital abnormalities. The mentally handicapped child male or female has a high mortality due to not being accepted or taken care of and often being abandoned. Hospital and clinic records have shown evidence frequently of brain damage of newborn children more often of females than males due to, "accidents". Boys are generally brought into the clinic sooner particularly for problems like hip dislocation. A girl's hip dislocation is more apt to be ignored until she is nine or ten when the fathers must consider plans for her being married.

What has been recorded more frequently is the introduction of needles of various types into the chest and abdomen of children both boys and girls, but most commonly of girls. A practice noted more recently, but probably occurring in the past much more extensively, is the insertion of pins into the fontanel in attempt to kill these babies. There is extensive proof now that many of these female children were killed by this method. Some of the children actually survived and many years later needles and pins were found inside their brains (Abbassioun, et al. 1979).



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