The Inside Assyria Discussion Forum

=> fear and loathing in Assyria

Posted by parhad (Guest) - Wednesday, July 7 2004, 18:57:21 (CEST)
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34 years ago in Seattle I thought about being a lawyer and volunteered to work with the Public Defender`s Office, Juvenile Section. I can remember still the first day I went into the jail where children were kept...sane, intelligent but desperate children who would have been fools or worse not to fight back against the families they`d been born into who, together with harder types were housed together in locked and dark rooms waiting for nothing really...their lives pretty much over with....

After a year of helping the lawyers defend these kids is became obvious that the system was sick, that the name of game was "alternate resources" and there were none. I got a grant from a private corporation and a license to become the youngest director of my own group home facility. I broke every single rule I felt like breaking that got in the way of finding a solution...rather, another way. And at that time the system was so broke...that even though it`s worse now, at least then there was a feeling back then that things should or could be made better..so no one tried to stop me on any of the technicalities they could have.

The first thing to do was not mouth platitudes..like "Assyrians are weighty so give them a country"· Things that sounded good were obviously not working so what point was there to more of the same..much like Jassim knows nothing is coming of this, but the continued misery of young children is his objective..be they delinquents in America or Muslim "enemy" children.

War has been declared on children in almost every front..but that`s another subject.

So I steeped myself in the problem...I had no staff no back up and no relief. I lived in the third floor atic and had no other refuge. I was stuck in the world of the twenty or so boys who came through that huge house in Seattle`s ghetto for three years...right along with the rest of them. I didn`t read a thing in their files and I didn`t avail myself of any of the programs out there. We all just sat there and festered there ..except I watched them closely..watched them day and night and early morning...there as no escaping, not for long..yet it was the most relaxed environment they ever knew.

In time they told me what the problem was and what direction might be more helpful..they showed me that they were intelligent, resourceful, highly capable..but pissed as hell too at an injustice so huge they couldn`t put it anywhere near into perspective..instead of being a part of their lives, it was becoming the whole thing and soon likely to define them utterly and for the rest of their lives by what other kids got help in seeing was only some bad breaks. They also made it plain enough that so long as they were placed on welfare and the criteria to STAY there was either continued pathology...or total neglect again in the "normal" world...they`d prefer to keep the gang of police, social workers, lawyers, judges, psychologists, emergency personnel, prison staff, do-gooders, District Attorneys and all the rest of them and their money hand-outs on "their side"..if the choice was no one being interested in them and the entire prison system with its support staff and millions of dollars..and if the cost of keeping the interest of these people...more people than had EVER taken an interest in them, was stealing your car or raping your daughter or shooting you...okay then..if that`s what it took, if that`s what the system in its stupidity decided to make the ante for this game..the kids would by-god play right along.

In other words there was no incentive at all to "get straight"..and years later when the system crashed and severe punishments were put in place...they`d make no difference either..for things kept getting worse and so would the kids...we just don`t hear about what they`re doing to them..like we don`t hear from adult prisons or the one in Iraq either till the damage is done.

The kids told ME...it wasn`t my idea to begin with..to take all five of them and strand them on an island where they`d either die...remain miserable or, without the presence of the "Man"...clean up their act cause everyone, even a kid, wants to be dry and warm and fed.

It`s been the same with being Assyrian. Since the monuments blew up in my face and I`ve been threatened with arrest twice at "Assyrian" conventions and my sculptures have been trashed and hidden away and I and my family have been called every sort of vile name and had every accustaion made, including being sued for two million dollars by Jackie Bejan for refusing her sexual advances...being sued because I dared go public with the truth about her...I`ve been wondering what`s going in Assyria.

I knew for a long time that there is massicve self-loathing in Assyrians and an inferirity complex like nobody`s business and, like those kids, is rapidly threatening to define what`s left of us forever and that the only sane ones will be the ones to run as far from this thing as they can...so deadly has this "thing" become to simple common sense, sanity and personal integrity and in my case, to financial security no matter how successful or hard you`ve worked.

What makes Assyrians despise excellence so? Or even competence? Why do they turn a forum into a joke? Why do they talk about pride when they print backwards, use glue and glitter..even while they wear a BMW or drive a Rolex? Why is their pride discounted to the point of satire and then farce...and why do they work so hard to achieve so little and feel SATISFIED with themselves?

Believing all that was said about Assyrian Pride I naturally assumed they`d been itching to display some after all these centuries of being trashed and massacreed but just didn`t have the right genius to back. So I decided to be that genius..it wasn`t hard..I mean where was the competition? All I had to do was survive, endure. learn to go without...and do well enough to be accepted by the larger society, the Americans and their art commissions and standards etc. Surely we thought..Narsai and I..if we can get over the first hurdle, follow through on our promise to create the Ashhurbanipal...surely Assyrian Pride would be relieved to have found an outlet, a worthy representative...and people would rally round the flag. Surely.

What was our surprise when death threats came in..threats to blow up the Ashurbanipal...threats to have it derailed...when Assyrians showed up to talk the city of San Francisco out of installing the Ashurbanipal..making everyone on the committee wonder, not about us..we made SENSE, but about the Heritage and the nuts it embraced.

After 13 years of long, hard, patient work on the Shumirum to see one "great leader" stop the city of Chicago from installing it...and then to see both he and Jackie Bejan send emails to Detroit to, “warn them about Fred"...that he is just out for money..that he is impossible to work with...that he comes begging for food for his family etc..and to see the Hammurabi destroyed before it was even half over...and now to have Chaldeans suing Janey Golani and trying to scare me...telling me I better not come to Detroit or else...and then Jassim saying the Shumirum was of no interest to Assyrians or people in Chicago...OUR people in Chicago..the rest of the people through their officials already said they wanted it...that these monuments were merely a "money making" device I`d dreamed of "cashing in" on the Assyrian Heritage...after all of this..just like being locked up with delinquent children...you begin to get a handle on what ails these people.

They are desperately afraid of excellence..fearful even of bare competence..that`s why two people wrtiing to Hanna that they will "stip rooting eef dat enema stays"...can get me banned so those dears can feel free to stay and "root".

Why? Why do Assyrians look out over the field of Assyrians and pick the stupidest, least capable of all to be afriad of..to defer to? How long can you go on throwing away your finest athletes and field a team that can even find their jock straps? There is a single-minded effort to keep the worst..to encourgage the laziest....to inspire the gutless...to coddle and protect and defer to absolutely the most useless Assyrians that can be found crawling between heaven and earth and then go demanding a country in THEIR “weighty” name!

Why?

Then it hit me...if not for the stupidest...where would Aprim be as a historian and author? Where would Hanna be as an artist? Where would Jackie Bejan be as a "bright leader"? Where would Nimrod be as a "senator"...how could Jassim be a "poet"? If not for the continued dumbing down of the field we call Assyria...how would these most mediocre talents anyone NEVER thought to brag of anywhere else.. remain supreme? if they didn`t trash parents..call you a traitor and “a lover of the hater of your people”...trying in every way to break your heart and humiliate you, all with the sole purpose of driving you away NOT because you are an enemy to Assyria but an enemy, as perceived by them, to THEIR status...a status that can only be maintained if world-class professional Assyrians who can do just fine outside the Heritage working for anyone else and at anything else...are chased away and kept away.

It`s the same in their forums. They can`t handle a real one..have no concept of speech let alone free speech..they are completely without language skills or verbal or written sophistication whatsoever, just as any villager shaking in fear and ignorance would be anywhere in the world, who thinks a “good-talker” is trying to sell him snake-oil..only no "nation" puts these people out in front and calls that a great and weighty name.

Add to that of course that this is all done in the service of Christianity..a Jew knock-off religion they try to sell us as the ONLY god for ALL people..and they`ll kill their own people, as the Assyrians NEVER did..but the Hebrews invented as a way of forcing a “universal” god who happned to be the god of the most useless and least talented people back then bar none! Using this god as an excuse to hide their self-righteous blood-lust.. These Christians have nothing but contempt and fear of Assyrian excellence, turning it all inside out by making it “the same as”…getting crucified just like HE was…and the LAST thing they want is for any attention or glory or praise to be EARNED for the Assyrian Heritage AS the Assyrian Heritage..but instead for their Christianity on whose altar they take great “pride” in having sacrificed just about the dearest and most precious thing from that entire age and region...turning themselves into mealy-mouthed..mean-spirited pissers and moaners…”just like the Assyrians”.

In these forums they cultivate ignorance and bigotry and racism and illogic and perverse views of history, psychology and anything else you can mention...in their forums they keep out anyone who challenges...anyone who threatens ..anyone who points in a new direction..they do it by insults first...by whoring your mother and when all else fails they ban you as "irrelevant to Assyria"...a catch-all phrase any Tyrant would understand.

These people have made a profession of being miskeena..their church has fed them with stories of how their true greatness lies in dying for Christ...a Jew no Assyrian ever had any need of...a religion forced on them as it was on every other culture the Romans came in contact with...an act of rape and murder they themselves are convinced was a voluntary turning away from Ashur...of COURSE they´re rife with inferiority complexes..no WONDER they are wedded to mediocrity and shot through with foolishness...of COURSE they are terrified of Assyrians and a call to the greatness of our Heritage but NOT this adopted religion they keep insisting is the REAL and ONLY one for Assyrians…when Assyrians naturally and of their own accord developed a marvelous one all their own..borrowed from no one…as they borrowed their best parts from us.

To maintain this foolish argument they have had to chase away any Assyrian worth the name..and their goal has NEVER been to make Assyria great again..it has been to FINALLY drive the Heritage all the way to its knees..to the greater glory of a Jew carpenter they seriously believe is a god having come to believe, as the Hebrews of old, that your god most loves you when you are most crawling in the dirt. The Heritage, in any meaningful sense has all but disappeared and these peole are experts in and enamored of meaninglessness...but not Chistianity which is growing and ruling by leaps and bounds...and today, after exterminating the Jews and putting the remnant out of Europe and into a ghetto, Christianity is gunning for Muslims...and when it is triumphant...the boys will feel good. It is Christ they work for, not Ashur..they`ve made that plain enough..and to make it more palatable and less hateful they say that Christ and Ashur are almost the same thing anyway..so why are we complaining.

They are working to finish the Heritage off...and they won`t get away with it. We didn`t lead the drive through history all those hundreds of years, giving birth to the rest of the people in our Cradle of Civilization to have me give in to Jassim. I don`t know about you..but not on my watch, motherfucker...not on my watch.

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