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=> The Color Of My Assyrian

The Color Of My Assyrian
Posted by Emil (Guest) squaremoon@emilsdiary.com - Wednesday, February 22 2006, 15:21:19 (CET)
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Website title: Square Moon Diary of Emil Keliane

Tired of being either a "threat" or a "fetish"?
As an Assyrian I have felt the presence and pressures of both. Where do I exactly fit in? Am I white? Am I a person of color?
Or am I just tired of being asked if I'm Mexican, Greek, Italian, French, Lebanese, Argentinian?
The part of me who would like to think he embraces all people is flattered to be "recognized" as ALL people.
And yet another part feels like a prostitute- 'I'm whatever you want me to be, baby...' Unless I speak up, stand up, rise up!
I'm not making any of this up. It's happened to me, and I'm "fair-skinned" for crying out loud!
On 9/12 I was told by my then whitie boyfriend, who had until then paraded me to his peeps, not to "run your mouth off" when I protested his hysterics that we "should go to war with the people who did this!" Later that night, at a restaurant in the supposedly counter-establishment Castro, the same white-boy actually leaned in and said to me, "Did you notice that table kept looking at you? I think maybe we should take some time off..."
And I'm FAIR-SKINNED!
To think that a couple years before this I had been pathetically and naively flattered when another FUCKER said to me, "I have always had the fantasy of being kidnapped by one of your people..." Reaching for my lips, my crotch.
These were fairly easy lessons compared to the greater suffering imposed upon millions of Middle Easterners by the U.S. I wouldn't dare complain.
And yet, perhaps the most disheartening moment of all was to hear my own uncle, the really pale one, say, "We're white."
I thought, Ask your dark brother if he feels the same. The one who has not done as well as you in this world- "over there" or here.
It's been made clear to me that I am a DARKIE, no matter what the color of my skin, or my religion for that matter.
No one in the U.S. will look at me and say, "Oh, he's Assyrian. Assyrians are Christian, one of us." No siree. They'll haul me away on a freight train to some "detention camp" and I will not be surprised.
When will we understand that we are "niggers" to them? And Christianity will not save us from the ambitious prejudices of whitie?
To tell you the truth I felt safer as an Assyrian kid in Iran- where I have no single recollection of being singled out and targeted for being a darkie- than in this land of the free, home of the brave.
My family thinks they're white. "We're white, of course."
I know better. But I would never want to burst their bubble. They're Christian. Some of them have blond hair and blue eyes. Perhaps they do pass. But not I.
I'm either a threat or a fetish.



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