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=> The New Assyrian

The New Assyrian
Posted by Emil (Guest) squaremoon@emilsdiary.com - Wednesday, October 19 2005, 16:05:12 (CEST)
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Website title: Square Moon Diary of Emil Keliane

It's no secret we Assyrians have a hard time asking for help. We are brought up not to "burden" others, "inconvenience" them. At first glance this might sound admirable, but I think there's something more behind it- namely our inability to be vulnerable, to admit being wrong, or ignorant about a certain subject as though we are supposed to be born knowing everything and having all the answers, which ultimately works adversely against us, I think as individuals and as a people of the Diaspora.
In my family, for instance, like in any human family, inspite of there being a lineage of strong adherence to Christian faith and values, there have also been a number of unmentioned struggles with cancer, alcoholism, emotional and physical abuse, homophobia, and worste than any natural or "unnatural" abomination we have continued to place and protect a shameful veil of silence around these otherwise perfectly universal struggles.
No one asks anyone for help. No one comes forth and shares his/her experience, which would ultimately make us stronger, less judgemental, and I think lessen this myth that we are supposed to be invinsible, perfect, angelic.
Did I miss something? Does being Christian mean being untouched by life and nature, by desire and pain? Is our faith further measured by the deepness of our silence? If we let it be known, in the process of reaching out and asking for help, that we are sick and confused are we in essence saying we have not prayed hard and long enough, and that we willed the difficult ciscumstances in our lives?
Sometimes praying is not the answer. Sure, having a Higher Power is most beneficial no matter what one's beliefs, but a family member diagnosed with cancer or MS needs the calm, sober, and supportive rallying of her brothers and sisters, a verbal and emotionally out and present process of recovery and death. A family member suffering from depression requires medical attention, possibly medication, therapy; not the shameful message we send by turning the other cheek.
The father or sister who drinks too much needs intervention and medical treatment, not moxie, pride, machismo, or vengeful retaliation.
Our gay and lesbian youth need our support no matter what we may think of homosexuality. Chances are we don't know anything about homosexuality and that what we feel and how we react is grimly unjust. There are resources. Everywhere.
Otherwise, why did we emigrate? What's the point of settling in a Western society if we are to stubbornly reject and avoid the many amenities here? Why did you- our "protective" parents- pick us up at such young and tender ages and dump us in the middle of a new and strange land to save us from war and "Islamic ignorance" only to ultimately abandon us? How were we to live and flourish here when you repeatedly admonished us for speaking English in the home, for having American friends, for assimilating and doing it beautifully, gracefully, etc.
The wars I have fought in my own home and upbringing inside the Assyrian court have by far been and remain the most emotionally detrimental- moreso than the war that rattled our home in Iran!
I want to evolve.
I have a right to develop in the direction that MY CHOSEN HIGHER POWER wants for me no matter what YOU wanted for me.
I have a right to struggle, to make mistakes, to be human and have human and carnal desires, and still be loved unconditionally, accepted, protected, nurtured, and forgiven by my family and community.
I have a right to speak about my experience without shame and without reprisal.
I have a right to suffer from anything any other human being on this planet suffers- lust, desire, sensuality, homosexuality, alcoholism, depression, joy, free-thinking, independent thinking, cancer, poverty, fame, porn, marriage, divorce, passion, poetry, etc. etc. et-fucking-cetra- and still come out strong, a survivor, further developed spiritually, emotionally, and otherwise, and outspoken!
I have a right to be angry with you- our elders- for continuing to punish and ostracize us for being beautiful, talented, brilliant, sexy, sensual, God's child-no-matter-what-you-say, human, Assyrian, American, Muslim, and a human being in progress.
I have a right not to fulfill anyone else's wishes and expectations of me, not to pursue higher education, not to be monitarily ambitious, not to own property, not to marry, not to have children, and still be God's child, deserving of respect, a person among persons.
I have a right to sever this useless rotting umbilical cord to Iran/Iraq/other Assyrians and not pretend I care only to glorify myself.
I have a right to be loved.
I have a right to recover from alcoholism with dignity and openly.
I have a right to "burden" you, "inconvenience" you, ask you for help- you, my mother, my father, my family, my Christian community...
I also have right to seek "outside" help without being dragged through the mud of your dead villages, or being called a whore, a fag, or in any way threatened or harmed.
You have a responsibility- you, Assyrian and Christian, or otherwise, to evolve. To change. To open your heart and your soul. To let go of the past and embrace the future and the NEW ASSYRIAN.
We are here, we are your sons and daughters, and we're not going away. We are here to help you catch up with the rest of the enlightened world!!!



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