The Inside Assyria Discussion Forum #5

=> How to Raiose Yourself a Taco

How to Raiose Yourself a Taco
Posted by pancho (Moderator) - Saturday, August 3 2013, 21:22:52 (UTC)
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Take one beautiful, dark-eyed, sturdy child and give it as much love and patience as you
can manage. Be sure to feed it well, clothe it the best you can afford to and provide plenty
of rest and exercise. Take it to all the vacations your funds and time allow and in general
strive to make the child secure and confident in your love.

At the appropriate age and as early as is feasible, introduce the Christian faith. Tell the
child that a wonderful and most innocent Jesus, one of the sweetest people to have ever
graced this earth, was beaten mercilessly and then killed in a most agonizing and brutal
manner, at his loving father's command, because he was unhappy at his own job
performance, and for all the sins your child will inevitably commit,…for your child, as
well as its parents, is damned for all eternity and can only be saved by bathing in the blood
of this most innocent victim and there was only one way to get that blood. Also tell the
child to never read anything by a Dr. John Joseph.

Do not, under any circumstances try to answer any questions or satisfy any doubts you see
arising in those dark, lustrous eyes. Instead tell your child that it is a sign of its damned
state to doubt or seek to understand or even ask questions, but rather the child must take
pride and great joy in believing all that it is told, without question, or else you must beat the
child, withhold love and approval, or die yourself of a broken heart because in spite of all
your efforts, the child's unwillingness or doubts and hesitations have sealed the parents'
own damnation and mommy and daddy will burn in hell forever and "you don't want that,
do you"?

After that introduce the child to his Assyrian heritage, but don't go into detail. Just
mention that the child comes from an ancient and once-glorious, though brutal and savage
people, who were especially unkind to the Hebrews, the tribe from which the beloved Jesus
came from, but whom the child must hold in great contempt because they denied him and
helped kill him and they only want money and control over Hollywood. Also teach that
these savages were saved, just in time, by believing in that same Jesus and that only
Christians are Assyrians and all Assyrians are Christians. Tell the child that Christianity
saved Assyrians and Assyrians must validate Isaiah out of gratitude. Teach that to deny
Christ is to deny their Assyrian heritage and that they must protect and defend both as if
they were one, because they are. Repeat the warning never to believe anything the child
hears from that Joseph fellow.

Do not, under any circumstances try to answer any questions or satisfy any doubts you see
arising in those dark, lustrous eyes. Instead tell your child that it is a sign of its damned
state to doubt or seek to understand or even ask questions, but rather the child must take
pride and great joy in believing all that it is told, without question, or else you must beat the
child, withhold love and approval, or die yourself of a broken heart because in spite of all
your efforts, the child's unwillingness or doubts and hesitations have sealed the parents'
own damnation and mommy and daddy will burn in hell forever and "you don't want that,
do you"?.

That done you must next turn to the child's education in preparation for future success and
security. Send the child to the best school you can afford. Supplement the instruction
received there by teaching the child that an apple is a banana, a boat a fork, that two plus
two equals sixty-four, no matter what anyone else says because YOU KNOW, and that the
earth is not only flat but tilted in the child's favor, if the child learns these lessons well.
Don't forget to mention that liar.



Do not, under any circumstances try to answer any questions or satisfy any doubts you see
arising in those dark, lustrous eyes. Instead tell your child that it is a sign of its damned
state to doubt or seek to understand or even ask questions, but rather the child must take
pride and great joy in believing all that it is told, without question, or else you must beat the
child, withhold love and approval, or die yourself of a broken heart because inspite of all
your efforts, the child's unwillingness or doubts and hesitations sealed the parents' own
damnation and mommy and daddy will burn in hell forever and "you don't want that, do you"?.

Having successfully completed the initial steps in preparation for your Assyrian child's path through life, you may look forward to retirement in Kurdistan… for a job very well
done.



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