Posted by StarDrifter from adsl-64-108-205-237.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net (184.108.40.206) on Friday, August 08, 2003 at 8:48PM :
I wonder, do most people struggle with this question of meaning, or am I just a member of a select group of idiots, suffering from this mental defect?
It seems that I must continually ask myself: “Am I making an effort to be an idiot or is it a gift?”
I must confess, I think it’s a gift. You see, I’ve always had this hazy self-concept that as an Assyrian, I have been drifting through a nether world somewhere between a surreal world of Dali landscapes and an escape portal called nihilism. And that select group is very select indeed, because it is probably a select group of only one, me! I know it sounds stupid, but that’s precisely why I am convinced that this is a new psychological condition and unfortunately, I’m the idiot that has introduced this deadly pathogen into the world.
Well, to get to the main point, I have to defer to that giant of worldly wisdom, Woody Allen. It was in the film, “Hannah And Her Sisters,” Woody was afraid that he had a brain tumor because he was losing his hearing in one ear. Woody, of course imagines the worst. He goes to one doctor after another and throughout the process we are treated to all of his most entertaining neuroses. Finally, the doctor brings in the film of his brain scan. Woody is bracing himself for the worst possible diagnosis. As he approaches the light box with the films, however, he gives Woody the best possible news: there’s nothing at all wrong with him. Great news huh? Woody, skips out of the doctor’s office and is dancing on air as he strolls down the street with a new lease on life. A rosy picture? It would seem so, until he gets home and breaks the good news to Mia. Now, instead of a happy face, Woody is in the throes of depression, bemoaning the meaning of life and everything in general. When Mia, expresses some confusion to him about this reaction to good news, he replies, “Don’t you realize, we’re all hanging by a thread.”
So, if I extrapolate using Woody’s logic, that means life and the Universe we live in would only have meaning if our lives were not so fragile, so tenuous, so uncertain. If only our lives were hanging instead by ropes made of steel chain or better yet a thick rope of spider web. Using Woody’s logic, it would seem that I have finally found the explanation for the struggle with meaning that I alluded to. Assyrians, are hanging by the barest thread of all, one that is frayed to its limit and might break at any moment, yet very few, indeed, seem to be struggling with this question of meaning. I conclude from this, only two possibilities. One, Woody’s logic is false, in fact, just the inverse is true. The more fragile, tenuous and uncertain life is, the more meaningful it is. The second possibility is self-delusion. There is no meaning. It’s only what you imagine and wish for. But then, some unknown philosopher once said, “_ _ _ _ in one hand and wish in the other and see which you get the most of.”
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