Proof: Assyrians invented Cellulite

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Posted by andreas from ( on Monday, December 09, 2002 at 2:50PM :

"The Heartbreak of Cellulite"
Assyria, 9th Century BC
33 cm ~ wax, varnish


Proof: Assyrians invented Cellulite

Source: Lady Dwindelbimmer's Gallery of the More or Less Unidentifiable

The material of prize winning (Asshurbackaward!)composition in this mysterious unsigned work leads scholars to believe that it is by the famous Hierodule painter and wax sculptor Ashur had-ap-no-pli-mercy-dan.

The undefined sculptor practiced the exceedingly difficult and laborious casting technique known as the "lost bronze process." This method requires that the statue first be carved out of bronze. Once complete, it is then covered with a claylike material, then sand is packed within a form to maintain the shape. The mold is then heated slowly to the point where the bronze melts and liquefies so that it can be poured out. Once the mold cools to about 250 F. (120 C.) it is filled with molten beeswax or paraffin, after which it is slowly brought to room temperature. The wax casting is carefully removed, aged for a few weeks, then lightly spray-varnished.

Other works in the same medium include "Fat Woman Falling Down" and "Syphilitic Pauper, Kalah Workhouse 891 BC." The most famous of the alleged sculptor's works in this medium, "Little Hierodule Girl with Acne" was lost in 887 BC when Mrs Ashur had-ap-no-pli-mercy-dan accidentally lit it to look for a misplaced buttonhook.

-- andreas
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