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Posted by Sadie from D006008.N1.Vanderbilt.Edu ( on Monday, June 16, 2003 at 1:33AM :

In Reply to: Re: thanks, Stella posted by farid from customer-148-233-71-44.uninet.net.mx ( on Sunday, June 15, 2003 at 4:50PM :

: +++I'm glad you asked me that. I think when we fall in love, we fall in love with ourselves...that is we find someone we can tell all about US to and in the process, fall in love with that idealized version of what we would like to be...what we can pass off in the first few months of a relationship. That person would have to be the opposite of us or he or she wouldn't stand it for a minute...would know just what sort of a game we're playing.

xxx Again, speak for yourself. I was not talking about dating clones of oneself. I was trying to point out that man & woman are not literal "opposites," & it infuriates me when people try to brand a subset of our species as "smart, rational, straightforward, & relaxed," & then refer to the other subset of our species as the opposite, "stupid, irrational, manipulative, & high-maintenance." I was refering to gender stereotypes. Besides, I think that the healthiest relationships I've ever witnessed in couples are usually between people who share similar interests, yet can broaden each others' horizons with a few new intrigues, while maintaining good communication. It has nothing to do with "opposites" attracting or like attracting like, though that does sometimes happen. Good relationships are built so that one person complements the other: bringing out positive (which is relative to the two individuals) aspects in the other while also helping the other person to grow in a healthy way, & vice versa. I dislike modern relationships built on superficial understandings, & I would not call such relationships "love" relationships. You are right - how can one honestly love & know someone else when one doesn't even truly love & know oneself? & you are right that to know (& thus come to love) oneself is the only way one can find an appropriate complement, in the form of a life partner. & the focus of the relationship should be on *mutual* growth in every way, not whether one is getting something (besides a partner & love) that one wants from the relationship or not. The growth should come naturally.

BUT that is just my opinion.

-- Sadie
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